


Brighter than the Stars

by mochichanyeol



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, chanyeol is so in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:48:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27479065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochichanyeol/pseuds/mochichanyeol
Summary: Sometimes you just need someone to listen when you're sad. And sometimes it's easier if that person is a stranger. For Baekhyun that stranger is Chanyeol.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 7
Kudos: 82





	Brighter than the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you will enjoy this story :)

Despite it being autumn, it was a mild day. The air was crisp, but the sun shone, warm rays illuminating the last red and orange leaves that still desperately clung to the trees.

Chanyeol enjoyed these kind of autumn days the most. Hands buried deep into his coat pockets, leaves crunching under his heavy boots. He would have enjoyed it even more had he not been on his way to a 10am lecture. Chanyeol really was not a morning person.

He loved music but studying it at university had turned out be a lot more boring than he had anticipated. Nothing quite like reading textbooks on how to calculate sound waves.

His university had recently extended, offering a whole new block of classrooms, one more sterile than the last one. Concrete walls and dark carpets, white tables and wooden chairs. Chanyeol would have expected the classrooms for aspiring artists to be more creative.

Chanyeol sighed when opening the door being hit by the warm air inside. His classroom lay on the second floor all the way at the end of the corridor.

He didn’t need to text Sehun to save him a seat anymore. They always sat in the second to last row. “Not all the way at the back to not seem disinterested but not too far to the front so the professor won’t notice when you’re not paying attention.” Sehun had explained what he considered the perfect choice of seats. Chanyeol really couldn’t argue with his logic.

“No need to look that excited.” Sehun commented when Chanyeol slumped into the seat next to him sighing deeply. It really was one of those days.

The tiredness sat deep in his bones from too many nights spent awake, working on songs that he ended up deleting again. He had come up with new melodies for hours, but none of them felt right. Every lyric he had written had been crossed out again.

When he had awoken that morning after four hours of sleep he had contemplated to just stay in bed and skip the lecture like he did every morning. And like every morning he found one reason why getting up was worth it.

“Good morning to you too.” Chanyeol grumbled.

“Did you read the paper?” Sehun asked.

“Were we supposed to read one?” Chanyeol countered and it was Sehun’s turn to sigh. “The deadline for handing in the topic for our term papers is in two days you should at least make a little bit of an effort to find one.”

“I know.” Chanyeol said grimacing. He hadn’t even started thinking about it.

Sehun returned his attention back to his phone obviously having given up on the hopeless cause that was making good conversation with Chanyeol in the morning.

Chanyeol was about to check his own phone when Sehun scoffed: “Here comes Mr. Popular, everyone pay attention.”

Chanyeol looked up at the group entering the classroom. They were joking and laughing so early in the morning, Byun Baekhyun – the most popular music student – at the centre, surrounded by his friends Kim Jongdae, Kim Minseok, Zhang Yixing, Kim Jongin, and Kim Junmyeon.

Byun Baekhyun. The one reason that made getting out of bed worth it.

Chanyeol wouldn’t describe himself as a loser but he had never been part of the popular group of people. He didn’t envy them for their popularity but sometimes when he saw them interact, he wished he had such a big friendship group. Sehun and Kyungsoo were his only friends in university. And as every group that didn’t belong to the popular ones, they made fun of Baekhyun and his friends whenever they could.

He had wondered how you would become the most popular student in your class but when he had first seen Baekhyun he had understood. Baekhyun radiated more natural charm than Chanyeol had ever seen anyone before. Not only was he physically breathtakingly beautiful - soft symmetrical features framed by shiny brown hair - but the way he smiled and told his stories was truly captivating. Not that Chanyeol had ever spoken to him personally. He had just observed him from afar. He seemed so unashamed to fool around in order to make the people around him laugh that you just couldn’t help but feel drawn to him. However, it was very obvious that Baekhyun knew what kind of effect he had on other people. He knew he was the most popular, he knew everyone was dying to be liked by him.

So was Chanyeol even though he had never talked to him before. And he couldn’t help but watch him when he made another joke anticipating the loud laughter around him with a toothy smile that grew even wider when he was given what he had wanted.

The group fell quiet when the professor entered the room. She was tall and slim, black hair pulled back into a ponytail, thick glasses on her nose. Although she was friendly, Chanyeol still had trouble listening, his thoughts drifting, his eyes being caught by a certain figure in the second row taking notes. He was completely captivated by the way Baekhyun’s slender fingers wrapped around his pen, how soft his lips looked when he tapped the pen against them before continuing to write. It was moments like this where Baekhyun’s beauty felt almost painful to Chanyeol. He could not comprehend how Baekhyun looked so... perfect.

It had been the night of their university’s winter concert in their first year when Chanyeol had first realised that he had a ridiculously strong crush on Baekhyun.

Of course, he had noticed how attractive the other one was before, but he hadn’t been able to put his finger on that weird feeling he got whenever he saw Baekhyun laugh with his friends or the way he pursed his lips when he was concentrating.

Chanyeol had been too self-conscious to apply to perform at the concert but the entire course had been talking about how Byun Baekhyun would sing.

“Has anyone actually ever heard him sing or are they just excited ‘cause he has a pretty face?” Sehun had asked scrunching his nose. Chanyeol had just shrugged.

“It’d be hilarious if it turns out, he actually can’t hold a note.” Sehun had giggled at his own joke.

When Baekhyun had entered the stage, he looked ethereal with the stage lights backlighting him. He had worn a white jumper and white trousers, which matched perfectly with the white grand piano he had played. Back then his hair had been black, contrasting the white he wore.

Baekhyun’s delicate fingers had played the first notes and when he had opened his mouth Chanyeol was convinced his heart had stopped for a second. Baekhyun had the voice of an angel. Chanyeol had never heard anything more beautiful in his life. He had thought he might just do anything it took to listen to him sing again. Even after Baekhyun and the next two acts had finished, his heart had still been pounding hard in his chest. And this had been when he had realised that he had a crush on Baekhyun.

Only when the class was dismissed and people around him started packing their bag did Chanyeol manage to snap out of his daydreaming.

“I’m so tired.” He complained to Sehun, trying to cover up his distractedness.

“’Cause you never sleep enough.” Sehun countered.

“True.” Chanyeol sighed defeated.

“Wanna grab a coffee before heading back?” Sehun asked and Chanyeol nodded.

They sat down in their usual café that was on campus and just down the road from the building they had their lecture in. It was a cosy place with soft chairs and warm lighting. The café was decorated with an assortment of fake plants ranging from little succulents on the tables to dangling plants on the shelves mounted to the walls.

“Kyungsoo said he’ll be here in ten.” Sehun announced the answer to the invitation he had typed out on their way to the café.

“Why wasn’t he at the lecture anyway?” Chanyeol asked with his mouth full of cake.  
Sehun grimaced at Chanyeol’s lack of table manners. “Had to do some work.”

Kyungsoo worked as a research assistant for one of their professors. Chanyeol would never understand how you could willingly let the professors enslave you more than they already did but it made sense for Kyungsoo since he was looking into becoming a professor himself. “Traitor.” Chanyeol had called him when he had first found out.

Chanyeol had already devoured his piece of cake when Kyungsoo joined the two.

“Had fun at work?” He asked his friend.

Kyungsoo shrugged. “I don’t mind it.”

Sehun chuckled. “Kyungsoo really is the only person who doesn’t complain about his work.”

“Still convinced you’re fifty percent robot.” Chanyeol said pointing an accusing spoon at Kyungsoo.

“You’d be the last person I’d tell.”

Chanyeol gasped in pretended shock.

“So, I’ve been texting this girl on tinder.” Sehun announced grinning widely at a message on his phone.

“Oh, not again!” Chanyeol moaned. Sehun’s tinder dates never turned out well but his friend didn’t listen when Chanyeol advised him to delete the app.

Kyungsoo chuckled not caring about the disaster that would follow since he considered the stories way too funny to ever tell Sehun to stop.

“You’re just jealous cause you can’t even get a match.” Sehun said.

Chanyeol shrugged. “Online dating just isn’t my thing.”

“Offline dating doesn’t seem to work out either for you though.” Sehun countered.

“Damn, fair enough.” Chanyeol said raising his hands in defeat. But it was true. After his short-lived relationship after finishing school he had been single and haven’t even had a date.

“Seriously, Chan, aren’t you tired of being single?” Sehun asked.

Chanyeol scoffed. “Aren’t you tired of unsuccessful dating?”

“Oh yes I’m ready to meet the one but unfortunately it’s not happening.” Sehun sighed dramatically.

Kyungsoo who had been in a happy relationship for 4 years now remained silent on the topic.

“Tell me your ways, Soo.” Sehun begged giving his friend what could be described as puppy eyes.

Kyungsoo shrugged. “Stay patient and it will happen eventually.”

“That really didn’t help at all.”

~*~

Every second that Chanyeol had spent with working on his assignment had felt like hours so when he finally finished up, he felt thoroughly exhausted.

_Ah why can’t it be more fun_. He thought stacking his books and turning off his desk lamp. He felt trapped in his tiny student dorm. It only had a small kitchen with an equally small dining table and two chairs, a bed, closet, desk, and a tiny adjoining bathroom. Chanyeol had tried to personalise it with a couple of posters but interior design really wasn’t something he counted towards his strengths. At least he had found some room for a keyboard and a guitar so he could make music whenever he had some free time. The pieces he had to compose for class not included because Chanyeol was not given enough freedom to express himself within the tasks.

Chanyeol was tired but he needed to go outside to escape his room that only reminded him of all the work he had to do. A few minutes to relieve the stress.

Back in his first semester he had found a bench on a little hill not too far from his student dorms. The way to get there was difficult since he had to go through a patch of forest and uphill with no direct path but that also meant that the space was very rarely already occupied when he arrived. He had less luck in summer but as it grew colder and the ground more slippery fewer people considered the view over the city to be worth the difficult climb.

Chanyeol slipped into his boots and coat, locked his door, and stepped out into the cold. It was already dark even though it was only late afternoon. The first half of the way was lit by streetlights, but they became fewer the closer he got to the bit of forest. Chanyeol had climbed up there so many times that he no longer needed to turn on his phone flashlight though. He had memorised the bigger parts that you could easily step on making the walk up not as difficult as many would think.

Tonight, would be a particularly beautiful view as the full moon was shining in a clear sky. Chanyeol breathed in the cold air, thankful for this moment of complete serenity.

He was disappointed but not surprised when he saw that the bench atop the hill was already occupied by someone else. Although it was a small bench there was still room for him to sit as well.

He mumbled a quiet greeting to the other person before lowering down on the bench. However, in the process he knocked something over that had been standing on the seat and now hit the wood with a hard thumb. Chanyeol immediately spun around and grabbed the object to keep it from falling to the ground, finding out that it had been a tumbler still warm from the tea or coffee that was inside. Luckily it was closed though.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see...” Chanyeol stopped mid-sentence when he looked up and met the eyes of the person next to him who had also turned in the direction of the knocked over tumbler. Soft features framed by brown shiny hair; chin buried into a thick knitted scarf. Baekhyun.

Despite the dim light Chanyeol could see that his eyes were swollen red. The streaks of tears on his cheeks sparkled in the moonlight.

“It’s okay.” Baekhyun mumbled trying his hardest not to sound like he had been crying but failing. He snatched the tumbler out of Chanyeol hands, careful not to touch his fingers, and quickly turned around. He put the tumbler into a tote bag appearing to be wanting to leave.

Chanyeol wasn’t sure his brain really understood the situation that he was in. This really wasn’t how he had pictured his first conversation with Baekhyun. Not that he ever expected to talk to the other boy at all. He wondered what had happened that would make Baekhyun cry. He couldn’t supress the urge to console him. He shouldn’t be sad.

Despite how nervous Chanyeol himself was and knowing how uncomfortable Baekhyun must have been he couldn’t just let him leave. Not like that.

“Are you okay?” He asked softly. And after a second of silence he added: “I mean obviously not, but...” Chanyeol wasn’t sure how to end that sentence. He really shouldn’t have started it anyway.

Baekhyun sighed letting the bag slump down onto the ground again. He looked up at the bright moon illuminating the city underneath them.

“Are you really asking me to pour my heart out to a stranger?” He asked.

A stranger. He had not recognised Chanyeol. Of course, he had not.

Baekhyun leaned back against the backrest. “Ah fuck it, why not?”

He still didn’t make eye contact with him so Chanyeol leaned back as well to look up at the moon. Was it unfair to not tell Baekhyun that they attended the same classes? He surely wouldn’t say anything if he knew. But the selfish part in Chanyeol stopped him from saying anything because he wanted to have this conversation. He wanted to know what could make Baekhyun cry. After all he was the popular kid with the good grades who seemed to have it all. He also wanted to console him, wanted to be the reason Baekhyun could smile again.

Baekhyun pulled his feet up on the bench looking smaller and younger than he was. Seeing him like that made Chanyeol feel a strong protective affection he could not suppress even if he had tried.

“Do you...” Baekhyun started, nervously fidgeting with the tassels on his scarf. Chanyeol still couldn’t believe that this moment was real. Baekhyun was never nervous. Never.

“Do you ever feel so... so lonely? Like even though you have people around, you just feel so disconnected? This whole alone in a room full of people thing. No one even knows how you really are. And you’re not even sure if they’d even care.”

Chanyeol was so shocked he struggled to find an answer. He never would have thought that Baekhyun would feel that way.

“Everyone always tells me I’m so popular.” Baekhyun continued. “But I don’t feel popular, you know? They say that everyone likes me, but I feel like no one even really knows me. And if they did, would they still like me? Would I still be popular? I sometimes feel like no one would like me if I wasn’t.”

Chanyeol’s heart was pounding in his chest. He had no idea what to say. He didn’t know Baekhyun either so how could he have any helpful advice for him?

He opened his mouth and closed it again, his mind running to find a suitable answer.

“I think I understand.” He finally said.

“You do?” Baekhyun said turning to him subconsciously only to turn back again to hide his teary face. He shouldn’t have to.

“I’m really far from being popular.” Chanyeol said with a small chuckle. “But I do understand what it’s like to be lonely.”

Was he really having a heart-to-heart with Byun Baekhyun? Maybe it was all just an obscure dream and he would soon wake up in his bed.

“It’s such a paralysing feeling, isn’t it?” Baekhyun asked softly.

“Like a heavy weight pressing down on your chest, suffocating you.” Chanyeol agreed.

“That’s exactly how I feel.” Baekhyun said clasping his hands over his chest.

“Will it ever go away?” He asked after a few moments of silence.

Chanyeol shrugged. “I hope so.”

“Me too.” Baekhyun said almost inaudible. “I like coming up here when I feel that way. It’s so peaceful here.” He closed his eyes and breathed in. When he opened his eyes, he turned to Chanyeol and asked: “Is that why you’re here too?”

“Sometimes.” Chanyeol admitted.

“Is today one of those days?” Baekhyun asked.

“Not particularly.”

Baekhyun gave him a sad chuckle. “Then I will no longer bother you with my silly problems.”

“They’re not silly.” Chanyeol said quickly. Too quickly. He didn’t want him to leave.

The smile Baekhyun gave him now was more honest. “Thank you, stranger. I didn’t know that pouring my heart out to someone was what I needed.”

“Any time.” Chanyeol said offering Baekhyun a soft smile that he hoped reassured the other that he meant it. Because he really did. His heart was pounding, and his mind was very confused.

“Oh, I don’t plan on making this a regular thing.” Baekhyun said rising from the bench. It was the first time they properly locked eyes without one of them looking away again immediately. Chanyeol couldn’t describe how overwhelmed he felt. He never thought Baekhyun would ever look at him.

“Farewell, stranger, maybe we’ll meet again.” Baekhyun didn’t wait for a reply before disappearing behind the trees.

“See you tomorrow.” Chanyeol whispered and he finally released a breath he hadn’t noticed he had held.

~*~

And he did. Chanyeol sat in his chair in the second to last row when Baekhyun and his friends entered the room at 12.06pm smiling at something that Jongin said.

Chanyeol had been thinking about their conversation all night. He hadn’t been able to sleep. But this smiling Baekhyun felt like a completely different person from the Baekhyun he had talked to yesterday. This was what he wanted people to see but last night Chanyeol had seen a different side of Baekhyun.

He tore his eyes off of him and looked down hiding his face behind the curls that fell into his eyes. He felt stupid for being scared that Baekhyun would recognise him. He hadn’t before.

“You’re awfully quiet today, Chanyeol.” Sehun remarked while putting his pencil case into his bag. “Did you even sleep at all?”

Chanyeol sighed. “Not really, stayed up all night trying to come up with a topic for the term paper.”

“Do you at least have one now?”

“Kind of.” Chanyeol mumbled.

“You know the deadline is tomorrow by noon?”

“Yeh I know, Sehun.”

“I handed mine in last week.” Kyungsoo said.

“That’s good for you.” Chanyeol snapped and earned himself a laugh from both Kyungsoo and Sehun.

“I handed mine in yesterday.” Sehun said sounding rather proud of himself.

He really needed to focus on his work more and stop thinking so much about Baekhyun. But he couldn’t.

In the following weeks Chanyeol found himself going up to the hill every day at the exact same time in hopes of meeting his classmate but the bench always sat empty in the cold night. For two weeks Chanyeol sat there for three hours every night - caught a cold and overcame it again - until he met Baekhyun again.

He had already been sitting there for almost an hour cursing himself what the fuck he was doing up there. Baekhyun wouldn’t come. And even if he did, why would he want to talk to Chanyeol again?

He tensed when he heard the sound of footsteps behind him wishing that it was the person he had been waiting for.

“Hello, stranger.” Baekhyun said and plopped down next to him on the bench. “I didn’t expect to meet you again so soon.”

“Oh hey.” Chanyeol said in fake surprise as if he hadn’t been waiting for him.

“So, you come up here often then?” Baekhyun asked.

“I guess so.” Chanyeol said smiling self-consciously. He had definitely spent way too much time up there recently. “How about you?”

“Every now and again.” Baekhyun answered. He leaned back, taking in a deep breath and looked up to the sky. A few stars shone weakly through the thick clouds. The moon was mostly hidden by them, radiating an almost eery gloom.

“Are you feeling better now?” Chanyeol asked softly.

Baekhyun grimaced. “Yes, I do. Probably wasn’t the best first conversation to have with someone but thanks for listening anyway.”

“I’m glad I could help.” Chanyeol said even though he didn’t feel like he had been able to do anything to help.

“I don’t plan on rambling about my problems today though, don’t worry.” Baekhyun joked.

“You can if you want to.” Chanyeol shifted in his seat not sure if Baekhyun would appreciate the offer or just consider him nosey.

Baekhyun smiled. “Maybe next time.”

Next time. Chanyeol could not help but smile widely. He really wanted there to be a next time.

“You will think I’m a crybaby if I do that every time.” He could hear the smile in Baekhyun voice. Chanyeol liked the sound.

“I promise I won’t.” He answered.

Baekhyun wiggled his finger. “Don’t, if you can’t keep that promise.”

“Hey, I will!” Chanyeol exclaimed.

“Hm then you’re a liar.”

Chanyeol looked at him exasperated causing Baekhyun to laugh and lightly elbow him in the ribs. Chanyeol couldn’t help but also laugh. He felt warm and fuzzy inside. He wished he could joke around with Baekhyun every day.

“You’re outrageous.” Chanyeol said shaking his head.

Baekhyun grinned cheekily. “How else will people remember you?”

“By being a crybaby.” Chanyeol joked but he immediately regretted it. Did he go too far?

Baekhyun’s jaw dropped in exaggerated shock and he slapped Chanyeol’s arm. He hardly felt it through his thick coat.

“You’re outrageous.”

“Will you remember me then?” Chanyeol said but flushed when he realised how that sounded.

But Baekhyun just grinned. “I certainly will. And you promised me you won’t think that.”

“I still intend to keep that promise.” The joking atmosphere had made Chanyeol feel a lot braver, than he thought it should have. He was still talking to the Byun Baekhyun and not just one of his friends. However, in this moment it had felt like Baekhyun was one of his friends. Or maybe more than that.

“You better.” Baekhyun said. He took his phone out of his coat pocket. Chanyeol could see countless messages on the screen. Was that what your phone looked like when you were popular? Everyone texting you all the time? Chanyeol only really got messages from Sehun, Kyungsoo, and his mum.

Baekhyun sighed. “I’m afraid I have to leave now. Duties are calling.”

Chanyeol did not want him to go. He had waited so long to see him again.

“Duties?” He asked to make Baekhyun stay a little bit longer.

“You know, parties.” He answered with a shrug. “Not in the mood to go though.”

“Then don’t.” Chanyeol wanted him to stay instead.

Baekhyun chuckled. “I have to.” He stood, buried his hands in his coat pockets and smiled at Chanyeol. “I’ll see you around.”

~*~

When Chanyeol entered _The Oasis_ , he spotted Sehun’s and Kyungsoo’s table immediately. It was a Saturday evening and Sehun had insisted that they needed to celebrate having survived another week of stress. The restaurant also had a happy hour for cocktails on Saturdays and Sehun would rarely pass the opportunity to have an elaborately designed drink.

“You’re late.” Sehun accused him without a greeting taking a dramatic sip from a colourful cocktail.

“Sorry.” Chanyeol mumbled taking a seat next to Kyungsoo.

“Can we order food now?” Kyungsoo asked.

They ate and drank and Sehun told them stories about his latest weird encounters which Chanyeol usually found hilarious, but he had a hard time focusing on their conversations tonight. He couldn’t help but glance at his phone to check the time every now and again. It was evening and he couldn’t be on the hill. What if Baekhyun had come tonight? What if he was sitting on the bench right now and Chanyeol wasn’t there? Maybe he would still be there if Chanyeol went after dinner. He feared that he could miss Baekhyun, miss out on an opportunity to talk to him. He wished he could know if Baekhyun would be there. However, he had only met him once in the past three weeks so how likely would it really be that he was there tonight?

“I really hope there won’t be any parties again tonight.” Kyungsoo sighed. “The noise kept me from studying and sleeping all night.”

Sehun laughed. “Was that party last week at your dorm? Junmyeon had mentioned that there was something going on.”

Chanyeol wondered if it had been the party that Baekhyun had talked about last Friday.

“It was probably them.” Kyungsoo said. “Still wondering how they fit that many people in such a small room.”

“Should’ve asked to join them instead of sleeping!” Sehun exclaimed. “You could’ve invited us as well.”

Chanyeol was glad he hadn’t. He couldn’t possibly attend the same party as Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo grimaced. “Was probably feral there.”

“The more gross the better.” Sehun objected. “Always makes for the best stories.”

“Not sure you need any more stories.” Chanyeol teased him.

“My stories are great.” Sehun said pouting. “I heard the hosts of the party were terrified it would be a failure because Baekhyun had arrived way too late. Apparently, he’s the make or break of a party.”

Baekhyun had been late to the party. He hadn’t said that that evening. Chanyeol wanted to think that Baekhyun was late because he had talked to him, but he doubted that his presence had had anything to do with that. Baekhyun had said he had not wanted to go. Did parties like that make him feel lonely even though he had everyone’s attention? Was everyone’s attention maybe too much pressure and not exactly what he wanted as Chanyeol had always assumed?

“Half the people were probably only there because of him.” Kyungsoo agreed.

“I want to go to a party where Baekhyun is. I need to see it for myself.” Sehun announced. “Do you think it’s just the mere presence of Mister Popular or do you think he actually keeps everyone entertained there? Dancing on the table and all?”

Chanyeol grew more and more uncomfortable the longer his friends talked about Baekhyun. Ever since he had realised, he had a crush on Baekhyun he had tried to avoid conversations about him at all costs. He feared that something he did would give him away. Maybe the redness of his cheeks or the softness in his voice. And now that he wasn’t only hiding his crush but also their brief encounters and that he had spent hours waiting for Baekhyun to maybe speak to him, talking about him made Chanyeol’s heart pound in nervousness. However, it would be even more suspicious if he did not say anything.

“Don’t think he needs to do more than be present.” Chanyeol said trying his best to sound disinterested.

“Yes, probably.” Sehun agreed. “Would be funny though if he would go all out on parties. That guy must have some flaw, surely.”

He did. Ironic as it was, the most popular student at their university was convinced that no one actually liked him.

Chanyeol wanted to tell his friends, so they would stop thinking that Baekhyun was arrogant. But of course, he didn’t because this was a secret that Baekhyun had shared with him, that he had trusted him with, and Chanyeol would never betray him. The memory of their conversation felt so surreal and fragile to Chanyeol, that he felt like if he spoke about it out loud it would crumble and break turning out to have just been a dream after all.

Sehun leaned back in his chair. “But then again I don’t have any flaws either.”

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo laughed. “You have more than we could ever count.” Chanyeol said.

Sehun scoffed. “Fucking rude.”

“Must be exhausting though if Baekhyun has to go to every party so they’re not considered failures.” Kyungsoo remarked.

“Nah, I think he quite enjoys that.” Sehun disagreed.

_He doesn’t._ Chanyeol thought, remembering the exhaustion on Baekhyun’s face. He had dreaded going to that party so much that he had needed a moment alone atop the hill. Except that he hadn’t been able to have that because of Chanyeol. Chanyeol had been so eager to meet him but now he felt guilty for having ignored the fact that Baekhyun most likely hadn’t wanted to see him.

He still couldn’t stop himself from wondering if Baekhyun was there tonight. If he would have the chance to see him again

Chanyeol checked his phone again. 8.49pm. If Baekhyun had been there he had probably left by now. Chanyeol would be too late even if he ran there now. For a split second he thought he should have cancelled on Sehun and Kyungsoo and then he scolded himself for being stupid. Baekhyun wouldn’t want to see him anyway.

“I’ll get Junmyeon to invite us next time.” Sehun grinned.

“No, thanks.” Kyungsoo said immediately.

“I’ll pass too.” Chanyeol lied. He would like to go. He would like to see Baekhyun there. Maybe be there for him when he felt sad again. But he was also terrified of Baekhyun seeing him there knowing that Chanyeol had kept it a secret that he knew him.

It was dangerous enough that Sehun still seemed to be friendly with Junmyeon after they had done a group project together in the first semester. However, it had not made Baekhyun notice Chanyeol before so why would it now?

Chanyeol was still disappointed that Baekhyun had really never seen him before in class when Chanyeol could hardly tear his eyes off of him. Maybe it was better that way.

Sehun sighed. “You’re all so boring. I know Kyungsoo is anyway but why you too, Chanyeol? You’re normally up for a party!”

“Not sure I’m fond of parties with those people.” Chanyeol grimaced at how weak his lie sounded. But his friends didn’t seem to notice.

Sehun shrugged. “Could be a good laugh though. See who secretly makes out with whom. Although they probably all queue up to make out with Baekhyun anyway.”

“And he probably loves rejecting them.” Kyungsoo said.

“I heard he has the occasional make out with someone at a party.” Sehun told them. “Overheard some girls talking about how jealous they were of whoever got to kiss him that time.”

A sudden sinking feeling of sadness and jealousy washed over Chanyeol. Of course, he knew that Baekhyun would kiss and date. Everyone wanted him so his options seemed endless. But he couldn’t help the pain in his chest at the thought of Baekhyun kissing someone else. His jealously was ridiculous though, because Baekhyun would never ever kiss him anyway.

9.03pm. Baekhyun was probably already at another party. Maybe even kissing someone right now.

“Speaking of girls.” Chanyeol started, desperate to change the topic so his friends wouldn’t notice his mood shifting. He needed to take his mind off of Baekhyun. “How’s your girl from tinder?”

Sehun sighed. “Don’t ask.”

And yet he complained for a good half hour making Kyungsoo chuckle and Chanyeol pretended to listen but really, he didn’t manage to take his mind off Baekhyun.

~*~

It was Sunday evening and Chanyeol had tried all day not to think about Baekhyun. But unsurprisingly he ended up climbing up the hill anyway.

It had been a grey and rainy day, with big clouds blocking the sun. Chanyeol hated days like this. He didn’t dislike the rain, for its melodic pattering against the windows felt calming to him. But not having bright, warm sunlight accompanying him throughout the day made Chanyeol feel lethargic and he preferred his usual energetic self.

The rain had mostly subsided in the evening, but the cold humidity still fogged up the air. Chanyeol didn’t really expect Baekhyun to come out in this weather, however the constant ‘what if’ gnawing at his brain had led him here anyway. He told himself he enjoyed this place whether Baekhyun was here or not. It had been his spot before. What was it now? Their spot? He felt ridiculous thinking it. Chanyeol had met Baekhyun here only twice after all. It really wasn’t enough to consider it a thing.

When Chanyeol emerged from the trees, stepping out onto the soft and wet grass, his heart leaped in his chest when he already saw a familiar form sitting on the bench. Chanyeol had watched Baekhyun for so long in classes that he was certain he would recognise the back of his head everywhere. He blamed it on his nerves that he almost laughed at his own patheticness.

Chanyeol’s heart beat fast as he walked up to Baekhyun. The other boy looked up as he heard his footsteps approaching and gave him a wide beautiful smile.

“Hey there.” He said. Baekhyun was wrapped up in his thick coat and knitted scarf and he was wearing a pair of slim round glasses. Chanyeol hadn’t known that Baekhyun had glasses. He never wore them to class which Chanyeol thought was a shame, because he looked beautiful.

“Hey.” Chanyeol replied nervously and sat down next to Baekhyun.

“I was hoping you would come.” Baekhyun’s words were muffled by his big scarf and for a second Chanyeol was sure he had misheard them, his heart skipping a beat.

Baekhyun had wanted to see him again? Surely this was not reality.

“Did you?” He asked. His voice was shaking.

“Did you not hope I would?” Baekhyun asked.

“Of course, I did!” Chanyeol said quickly. He cursed at himself how true his answer was and how desperate it sounded.

Baekhyun chuckled. “Cute.”

Did Baekhyun really call him cute? Or was he just making fun of him?

Chanyeol had to look away, his cheeks burning hotly. It was all too much.

Baekhyun picked up his tumbler from beside him to take a sip of his tea. This time he had placed it on his left side so whoever sat down in the space next to him wouldn’t knock it over. Chanyeol could smell the raspberry and vanilla when Baekhyun opened it. The sweet scent was fitting for him.

“So, how have you been?” Baekhyun asked eventually.

“Alright, I guess.” Chanyeol answered, taken aback by the question. People rarely asked him how he was. Not in the way that they expected a genuine answer anyway.

“Just alright?” He could feel Baekhyun’s questioning eyes on him, but he didn’t dare return the gaze.

Chanyeol shrugged. He couldn’t really tell Baekhyun that he had felt like he was going crazy because of how much he was obsessing over him. Their potentially kindling friendship would be suffocated in a second if he did. “How about you?” He asked trying to avoid talking about himself.

Baekhyun sighed. “Pretty exhausted. I had to go to another party yesterday.” Chanyeol felt relieved that he hadn’t missed Baekhyun when he had been out for dinner with Sehun and Kyungsoo.

“It can get a bit too much if I have to go every weekend.” Baekhyun explained. “I’m glad to not have any plans today for a change. Get some time to myself.”

Time to himself. Again, he had come here seeking refuge from all the people wanting his attention. And again, Chanyeol had disturbed him with his selfish desire to talk to him. He was only one of those people that constantly wanted Baekhyun’s attention.

“I can leave you alone if you want.” Chanyeol said softly even though it was the last thing he wanted. He bit his lip preparing for the disappointment when Baekhyun would ask him to leave.

However, Baekhyun lightly elbowed him. “Don’t be silly, I already said that I hoped you would come.”

Chanyeol blushed at his words and the friendly gesture. He liked that Baekhyun was already comfortable enough with him to kind of touch him, even though there were many layers of clothes between their skin.

“Going every week really sounds exhausting.” Chanyeol said being reminded of the conversation he had with Sehun and Kyungsoo yesterday.

“It is.” Baekhyun agreed. “I shouldn’t complain about being popular so much ‘cause I know it’s a privilege but it can be really draining when everyone wants to talk to you. Constantly having to make conversation, people who want to dance with me.” He sighed. “Sometimes I feel like just getting super drunk to be able to endure it better. But then I’m afraid I’d do something stupid and ruin my reputation forever.”

Chanyeol had never considered that. It had never mattered how drunk he had gotten on parties. There had been no gossip, no one who wanted to take advantage of it.

“That does sound draining. You should be having fun.” He wasn’t sure if he felt more sad or angry that other people’s expectations made it impossible for Baekhyun to enjoy himself.

“Yes, I should enjoy it, but I struggle to. I don’t even know how I ended up in this position.” Baekhyun said.

“That’s not what I meant.” Chanyeol clarified.

“I know.” Baekhyun smiled at him before turning to watch over the city again. The clouds still hung low in the sky, engulfing the tips of the skyscrapers and blurring their outlines and the lights on the top floors.

“I always talk about myself and never let you talk about how you are.” He said after a while.

“I don’t mind.” Chanyeol reassured him. In fact, he even preferred it this way. How could he possibly tell Baekhyun what was on his mind when it was only him?

“But I do.” Baekhyun objected. “So, what’s going on in your life that’s making you only feel alright?”

“Not much. I wish it was more exciting.” Chanyeol said, laughing nervously. He immediately regretted his answer. He probably shouldn’t have admitted how lame he was in front of Baekhyun. It only reduced his already slim chances that Baekhyun would ever like him. But then again, he could not bring himself to lie when Baekhyun seemed to be so honest with him.

Baekhyun laughed. “Must sound terribly conceited to you then that I complain about there being too much going on.”

Chanyeol shook his head. “I guess neither ends of the spectrum are ideal.”

“I guess so.” Baekhyun agreed, chuckling. “I hope something exciting will happen for you soon.”

“Maybe it will.” Chanyeol said. But it already had. It was happening right in that moment.

“But for now, you have to put up with hanging out with me, I guess.” Baekhyun joked, unaware that hanging out with him was the most exciting thing that could’ve happened to Chanyeol.

“I’m okay with that.” He said, smiling.

“Good.” Baekhyun grinned. “It’s safer to unload all of my problems to one stranger than to start spreading it around.”

“At your service.” Chanyeol chuckled.

“At first it was easier for me to talk to you because we didn’t know each other. But now that we’ve met multiple times it’s just weird, don’t you think?” Baekhyun turned to him and extended his hand. “I’m Baekhyun, nice to meet you.”

Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s hand feeling overwhelmed by his skin touching Baekhyun’s. He never imagined that to happen. Baekhyun’s hand was small and soft in his and Chanyeol wished he could have held it for longer.

“Chanyeol.” He said, his voice shaking. He should tell Baekhyun that he knew him. It wasn’t fair to keep it from him. But he didn’t dare to. What if Baekhyun would be mad at him? But wouldn’t keeping it a secret for even longer just make it worse?

“Suits you.” Baekhyun said letting go of Chanyeol’s hand.

“Thanks.” His palm was still tingling from where it had touched Baekhyun’s. He hadn’t known a mere handshake could be so overwhelming.

“Now I don’t have an excuse to dump all my problems on you anymore though.” Baekhyun joked.

“You still can.” Chanyeol offered, desperate to give Baekhyun a reason to keep talking to him.

“Guess it’s too late anyway. No fooling you with pretending to be cool anymore.” Baekhyun grimaced.

“I already know you’re a crybaby.” Chanyeol agreed teasingly.

“And you’re a meanie.” Baekhyun said pouting. It was probably the cutest thing Chanyeol had ever seen. He wished he could cup Baekhyun’s soft cheeks in his hands and kiss his pouty lips. Kiss them until he was smiling again.

Chanyeol flushed, cursing himself. He really needed to stop thinking about that.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I don’t think you’re a crybaby at all.” Chanyeol said softly, afraid Baekhyun would take his joke seriously.

“I still stand by the fact that you’re a liar.” Baekhyun crossed his arms but there was a slight smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“I would never.” Chanyeol insisted.

“Really?”

“Should I?”

“No, I mean I’ve been way too honest with you.” Baekhyun chuckled.

“I appreciate that.” Chanyeol said softly. It really meant a lot to him.

“I’d like to be someone you can be honest with too.” Baekhyun said quietly.

“I will be.” Chanyeol’s heart was beating fast. How could he ever explain the whirlwind of emotions in his head to him?

“I don’t really talk to anyone else like that.” Baekhyun admitted. Chanyeol shouldn’t have liked that as much as he did. Baekhyun deserved to have friends he could talk to. And yet Chanyeol couldn’t help wanting his secrets, his trust, him, all to himself. He wanted to be special to Baekhyun so badly.

“Me neither.” Chanyeol agreed. He had always been better at listening to other people’s concerns than sharing his own. He had always preferred to solve his problems on his own. He didn’t want the people around him to worry about him. But in this moment, he wondered if maybe there was someone he’d be willing to share his secrets with.

“Give me your phone.” Baekhyun said holding out his hand and making grabbing motions.  
With shaking hands Chanyeol took his phone out of his coat pocket, unlocked it, and handed it to Baekhyun. He couldn’t stop himself from brushing his fingers against Baekhyun’s on purpose. They were cold but soft. He yearned to touch him again.

Baekhyun opened the contact app and saved his details before handing Chanyeol his phone back. Chanyeol carefully took it back as if it had suddenly significantly increased in value. And to him it really had. He couldn’t believe Baekhyun had just given him his phone number. Would he ever dare to text him?

“I’ll see you soon then.” Baekhyun said standing up from the bench and leaving Chanyeol behind. His heart was still pounding while he stared at the contact in his phone.

When he got home and wrapped up in his warm blanket, he opened up the chat and wrote:

**Chanyeol**  
_Hey, it’s Chanyeol_

~*~

When Chanyeol awoke the next morning, his alarm ringing shrill, he didn’t dread getting up as much as he usually did. Which was especially weird on a Monday morning at 7am.

He rolled on his side to turn off his alarm and, more importantly, to check if Baekhyun had answered his text. He hadn’t.

It had only been 10 hours ago that he had texted Baekhyun and Chanyeol tried to tell himself that it was still possible that he would receive an answer. Nevertheless, he couldn’t shake his disappointment.

He rolled back onto his back, suddenly preferring to just stay in bed after all. Hadn’t Baekhyun given him his number so that Chanyeol would text him? So why didn’t he answer? Had it been too early? Should he have waited until today to text him? Baekhyun probably didn’t want to talk to him constantly. He felt foolish for having been so excited about the possibility of texting with Baekhyun. He really shouldn’t have been this eager.

And yet he couldn’t help but check his phone again. Still no message. Of course, he wouldn’t have suddenly messaged him.

Chanyeol dropped his phone next to him on the bed and covered his face with his arms, groaning loudly. He really needed to stop obsessing over Baekhyun. But he had told himself that for three years now and he still hadn’t managed to do that. His recent encounters with the other obviously hadn’t helped. Now he was just getting his hopes up which he shouldn’t. He would have to accept sooner or later that nothing would come out of this. At least not what he was wishing for.

Chanyeol sighed deeply then slapped his cheeks, willing for his thoughts about Baekhyun to go away. But in the end, it was the thought of seeing him in class that made Chanyeol get out of bed.

When he arrived in the classroom, Sehun was resting his forehead on the table and was visibly on the verge of falling back asleep while Kyungsoo was quietly organising his notes. Typical Monday morning.

“Hey, guys.” Chanyeol greeted his friends, slipping onto the chair next to Sehun who just grumbled incomprehensibly as a greeting.

“Hey, Chan.” Kyungsoo said handing him a small stack of papers over Sehun’s head. “Try to at least skim through it before the lecture starts.”

Chanyeol stared down at the text Kyungsoo had given him. “Were we supposed to read that?” He asked to which Kyungsoo just shot him an annoyed glance. Apparently, they had been supposed to read that. Chanyeol wasn’t sure how he should feel about Kyungsoo not even questioning whether he had read it or not. He doubted Sehun had read more than the conclusion.

Chanyeol tried to at least read the conclusion as well but when he wasn’t checking his phone for a potential answer from Baekhyun, he was staring at the door in hopes of him entering. He was slowly but surely giving up all hope of ever receiving a text back.

When the door opened again, Chanyeol looked up in anticipation, but it was only Junmyeon. He sat down next to Yixing, Jongdae and Minseok who already sat in their usual seats in the second row talking and laughing quietly. They didn’t need to save the seats next to them for their friends. No one would dare sit there anyway. Jongin arrived a couple minutes later.

By the time the lecture was almost about to start Chanyeol had completely given up on reading the conclusion after having read the first three sentences at least ten times without any of its content reaching his brain. It was when he leaned back in his chair that Baekhyun finally entered the classroom. He was impeccably styled as always but it couldn’t hide just how sleepy he looked. Chanyeol had to try hard to suppress a smile creeping onto his face. Baekhyun looked so... adorable.

He greeted his friends smiling at them. “Pretty sure I will fall asleep today.” Chanyeol could hear Baekhyun say. Then he laughed, eyes crinkling and teeth showing.

Baekhyun really seemed so different when talking to his friends in uni than he did around Chanyeol. He seemed so confident and unbothered whereas he had shown Chanyeol how vulnerable he was underneath that façade. It made Chanyeol sad that Baekhyun genuinely believed that he had to be someone else to be liked. Or maybe this was much more part of who he really was than Baekhyun knew.

“I feel you.” Jongin agreed and proved his point by yawning.

“Yixing’s parties are always the roughest.” Jongdae said chuckling at his exhausted friends.

“They’re the most fun!” Yixing insisted.

“Never said they weren’t.” Jongdae explained.

Baekhyun had sat down and was looking at his phone. Chanyeol could see him smiling softly then started typing.

A second later Chanyeol’s phone lit up.

**Baekhyun** _  
8am lectures are the worst_

Chanyeol’s heart leaped in his chest and he couldn’t supress the wide grin on his face. He hoped Kyungsoo wouldn’t see it.

Baekhyun had answered. And he had smiled at Chanyeol’s message.

**Chanyeol** _  
Tell me about it_

**Baekhyun** _  
Got one too?_

**Chanyeol** _  
Unfortunately_

Chanyeol nervously looked up from his phone to check Baekhyun’s reactions to his texts. He was still smiling softly.

**Baekhyun** _  
I never asked you what you study_

Chanyeol’s smile died on his face, his heart sinking. He tried to dodge the question, but he knew he couldn’t avoid telling Baekhyun much longer without actively lying to him. And he didn’t want to do that.

**Chanyeol** _  
You haven’t_

**Baekhyun** _  
So, what is it you have to listen to so early in the morning?_

Chanyeol’s heart was pounding in his chest and he bit his lip hard as he typed out the answer. He couldn’t lie to Baekhyun. He had promised to be honest as well.

**Chanyeol** _  
Music_

**Baekhyun** _  
That’s funny me too! Shouldn’t we have seen each other around then?_

It was then that Baekhyun turned around in his seat and locked eyes with Chanyeol. Chanyeol’s heart stood still. There was no going back now.

But then Baekhyun smiled and winked at him. He turned back around to type another message.

**Baekhyun** _  
Thought you looked familiar_

Chanyeol’s hands were shaking so hard that he missed some of the letters and had to type the message twice.

**Chanyeol** _  
Didn’t think you recognised me_

**Baekhyun** _  
Does that mean you recognised me?_

**Chanyeol** _  
Maybe_

**Baekhyun** _  
And you didn’t tell me? Outrageous!_

**Chanyeol** _  
I’m sorry, I should’ve told you_

**Baekhyun** _  
Will I see you tonight?_

**Chanyeol** _  
What time?_

**Baekhyun** _  
6?_

**Chanyeol**  
_Sounds good_

Chanyeol’s cheeks were burning when Baekhyun turned around again and smiled at him. He could just stare back.

Baekhyun had asked to see him again. And he didn’t seem to be mad that Chanyeol had kept it a secret from him that he had known him. But he didn’t want to feel completely relieved. Maybe Baekhyun would accuse him of lying later and wouldn’t want to talk to him again after that.

Chanyeol would never be able to recall what the lecture was about even if he tried. He couldn’t stop staring at Baekhyun and thinking about what to say when he saw him again.  
  


~*~

  
It was 5.30pm and Chanyeol was already sitting on the bench on the hill waiting for Baekhyun. He had been so nervous all day that he had checked the time every minute, pacing up and down in his dorm room until he had decided he had enough and left. But looking at his phone every minute here didn’t make as much difference as he had hoped.

Baekhyun hadn’t seemed mad at Chanyeol for not telling him that he recognised him from class but Chanyeol was still afraid that he was. He really should have told him.

Every second he spent waiting felt like hours but when the clock hit 6pm a part of Chanyeol wished that it would’ve taken longer. He still didn’t know what to say to Baekhyun.

Then he heard footsteps behind him, the brown leaves crunching softly under the weight. Chanyeol tensed and didn’t dare to turn around to see if it was Baekhyun.

“Am I late?” Baekhyun asked sitting down next to Chanyeol. He was wearing his glasses again. Chanyeol had realised that he really liked it when he did.

“Not at all.” Chanyeol answered. They sat in silence for a couple seconds before Chanyeol blurted out: “I’m sorry!” His cheeks felt hot, his hands were shaking as he nervously fidgeted with the button on his coat.

Baekhyun looked confused for a moment before smiling. “I didn’t expect you to be in the same studies, but I knew it would be likely that you would still know who I am.”

“I guess everyone in uni knows you.” Chanyeol said still avoiding Baekhyun’s eyes. “But I still should’ve told you.”

Baekhyun shrugged. “I’m glad you didn’t. At least not immediately.”

“Why’s that?” Chanyeol asked confused.

“Being reminded that everyone knows me and the pressure and gossip that comes with that would’ve kept me from talking to you. I would’ve been too concerned with my reputation.” Baekhyun’s voice sounded bitter when he said the last word.

“So, you’re not mad?” Chanyeol asked tentatively.

Baekhyun shook his head. “As I said I thought you looked familiar. But I think I wanted to ignore that. Because I wanted to talk to you.”

He pulled his feet up onto the bench looking down at his hands. “I was so fed up with keeping everything to myself out of fear that it would spread around. I still wouldn’t have told anyone. But when you offered...” He trailed off.

“I promise I won’t tell anyone.” Chanyeol reassured him softly. “I hope you can still trust me.”

Baekhyun looked up at him and smiled. “I do.”

Chanyeol sighed relieved. He hadn’t noticed how tense his entire body had been until he could finally relax a little bit again now.

Baekhyun chuckled at Chanyeol’s reaction. “That whole conversation must’ve been weird for you then.”

“Not at all!” Chanyeol exclaimed quickly. “Surprising but not weird.”

“Liar. Surely you thought ‘that popular kid has nothing to complain about’.” Baekhyun joked.

“That’s not true.” Chanyeol answered seriously. “I just didn’t expect you would struggle with it.”

Baekhyun smiled sadly. “It can get a bit too much sometimes. There’s just so much pressure to be perfect all the time. And I can never really trust anyone ‘cause I’m not sure who really likes me and who just wants to use me.”

“What about your friends?” Chanyeol asked. He never questioned that Baekhyun’s friendship group was anything but close but Baekhyun had said that he didn’t talk to them about this.

“Most of the time I think they really like me but sometimes I just can’t help but question it.” Baekhyun confessed, looking down at his hands.

“I’m sure they really like you.” Chanyeol said softly.

“I would still be afraid to tell them these things.” Baekhyun admitted. “What about you? Are you close with your friends?”

“I think so.” Chanyeol said. “But you know I don’t really have this type of conversations with them either.”

“I hope you feel like you can talk to me though.” Baekhyun told him quietly.

Chanyeol felt warm despite the cold temperatures. “I do.”

Baekhyun grinned at him. “Good, I’d feel bad if I was the only one talking about my problems all the time.”

Chanyeol chuckled. “I’ll tell you all about them if that’s what you want.”

Maybe not all about them for now. He wasn’t ready for Baekhyun to know how he felt about him. And Baekhyun wouldn’t want to know about that anyway.

They sat in silence for a while. Both staring out over the city below and its faint lights in the distance. The moon was crescent, so it had become quite dark. The wind felt even colder with the sun now gone.

“So, what made you study music?” Baekhyun asked. “What kind of musician are you?”

“I sometimes write my own music.” Chanyeol admitted. It was a weird topic for him. His music meant so much to him that he was always too afraid to show it to anyone in case they didn’t like it. Even telling someone that he did write music was a huge step for him because he knew that they would ask to hear it a lot of the time. But maybe a part of him wanted Baekhyun to hear it.

“That’s cool. Will you show it to me sometime?” Baekhyun asked.

“It’s not very good.” Chanyeol said grimacing.

“I don’t believe you.” Baekhyun claimed.

“You’re a singer, aren’t you?” Chanyeol asked even though he obviously knew the answer. Having seen and heard Baekhyun perform, his angelic voice sounding through the hall, was what had made Chanyeol realise he liked him after all.

“I am.” Baekhyun said. “So, if you ever need a not very good singer for your not very good music, hit me up.”

They both had to laugh at that.

“I’d like that.” Chanyeol said eventually. “You’re a good singer though.”

“You’ve heard me sing?” Baekhyun asked surprised.

Chanyeol nodded, cheeks flushing. “At the winter concert in uni.”

Baekhyun nodded in acknowledgment. “Thanks. Did you play at the concert?”

Chanyeol shook his head. “I’ve never played my music anywhere.”

“Why not?”

“It’s not very good, remember?”

“No, ‘cause I still don’t believe it.” Baekhyun grinned cheekily. Chanyeol really, really liked that smile.

“Do you have it on your phone?” Baekhyun asked.

Chanyeol looked away. “I do but you really don’t want to hear it.”

“Yes, I do.” Baekhyun objected. “Come on!” He looked at Chanyeol with a slight pout. How could he have ever said no to that face?

“Fine.” Chanyeol gave in and pulled his phone out of his coat pocket. “But you will be disappointed.”

He plugged his headphones in and handed them to Baekhyun. Their fingers brushed softly against each other when Baekhyun accepted the headphones. It felt like sparks of electricity running down Chanyeol’s spine. He wanted to feel it again.

Baekhyun put the headphones into his ears and Chanyeol pressed play. His heart was pounding hard in his chest. It was the first time he ever played someone this specific song. He wasn’t sure if he could bear Baekhyun not liking it.

The beat was slow and felt melancholic, soft piano notes mixed into the bass. He had captured the painful longing to be with someone who was so far away. He had tried to capture his feelings about Baekhyun. Full of love but a love that was hopeless and heartbreaking.

Baekhyun closed his eyes while he listened, softly swaying to the rhythm, a smile on his lips. He looked so peaceful and breathtakingly gorgeous that Chanyeol couldn’t tear his eyes off him. For a moment he forgot about his fear that Baekhyun wouldn’t like the song.

He started to feel awkward after a minute not knowing if he should pause or let Baekhyun listen to the whole song. But the other boy still had his eyes closed and didn’t seem to be bored of the song yet. So Chanyeol waited until it finished before he hit pause.

Baekhyun opened his eyes and smiled at him widely as he took the headphones out of his ears. “It’s beautiful, Chanyeol.” He said.

“Thanks.” Chanyeol felt flattered but also embarrassed. He had written that song about Baekhyun after all.

“It feels so emotional. May I ask what it is about? You don’t have to answer if it’s too personal.” Baekhyun’s voice was soft.

Chanyeol swallowed hard. “It’s about longing for someone you can’t be with.” He admitted, cheeks hot.

Baekhyun smiled. “A love song, hm?”

“I guess so.” Chanyeol couldn’t look at him.

“Are you in love then, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked.

“Maybe.” He said and it felt like a lie. He knew he was, but he couldn’t bring himself to fully admit that to Baekhyun. Not when it was him, he was in love with.

“Isn’t it something you just know when it happens?” Baekhyun wondered.

“Is it?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been in love. I sometimes think there’s something wrong with me that I can’t fall for people, you know.”

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right person yet.” Chanyeol offered. He wished he could be that person.

“Have you?”

“I don’t know.” Could it be the right person if your love would never be reciprocated?

“They say we accept the love we think we deserve, right? Does that mean I don’t really think that I deserve love?” Baekhyun asked looking down at his hands again, avoiding Chanyeol’s gaze at all costs.

Chanyeol felt like his heart stopped. How could he feel like he did not deserve love? He wished that he was brave enough to show Baekhyun how much love he had for him and make him believe that he deserved every bit of it. But he wasn’t.

“Maybe.” Chanyeol said instead. “But you do.”

“How do you know?” Baekhyun sounded bitter.

“Everyone does, I guess.” Chanyeol said.

“Is that really true?” Baekhyun wondered.

“I believe so.”

“And I would like to believe you but I’m not sure I can.”

“What makes you say that?”

Baekhyun shrugged but it didn’t come across as apathetic as he had intended it to be. “Love is such a strong emotion. You completely devote yourself to someone else. I’m not sure I would be worthy of that.” His voice cracked when he spoke. “I don’t think I would be good enough for anyone.”

Baekhyun bit his lip to suppress it but a tear still ran down his cheeks. “I don’t understand what people even like about me.”

Baekhyun’s words and tears broke Chanyeol heart. But he didn’t dare to say what he wanted to say. He was too afraid to tell Baekhyun how beautiful and charming, smart and witty he was and how much he made Chanyeol feel like he wanted to protect him when he sat there with his arms wrapped around his legs, a sad gaze fixed on the city below. He couldn’t tell him that the song was about him. That he loved him.

“That’s not true.” Chanyeol whispered. He wanted to say so much more, make Baekhyun believe that he was good enough, but he didn’t know how. Not without saying too much.  
His voice shook Baekhyun out of his trance and he gave Chanyeol a small bitter laugh. “Look at me crying in front of you again. How pathetic.”

“It’s not pathetic.” Chanyeol said firmly and in a sudden burst of bravery he caught Baekhyun’s wrist as he was about to wipe his tears away.

Baekhyun stared at him, eyes wide. When Chanyeol realised what he had just done he let go of Baekhyun’s hand, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, looking away. He shouldn’t have done that. Baekhyun surely wouldn’t want him to touch him.

Chanyeol swallowed hard, opening his mouth to apologise again when he felt a light weight on his shoulder. His heart was pounding when he looked down to find Baekhyun leaning against him, his head resting on his shoulder. He let his tears run freely, dropping onto Chanyeol’s coat one by one.

He had wished to touch Baekhyun for so long that now that he felt his warmth, even through the many layers of clothes between their skin, it felt like he was finally relieved of a pain he had been suffering from for too long. He wished he could wrap him arms around him and hold him close until he wasn’t crying anymore.

“Being in love really isn’t that great.” Chanyeol said quietly.

“What makes you say that?” Baekhyun asked.

“Sometimes the longing for that person becomes so strong that the emotional pain transcends into a physical one.” Chanyeol explained. “It’s almost like a phantom pain. Your body literally hurts in places where it desires to touch that other person. And you wish you could just hold them in your arms, but you can’t.”

But this was closer than he had ever thought he’d get to holding Baekhyun.

“How do you know your love is unrequited?” Baekhyun asked.

“I know I could never be good enough either.” Chanyeol admitted. He too felt tears burning in his eyes. He had never said that out loud.

Baekhyun chuckled but it sounded sad. “Look at us both doubting ourselves.”

Chanyeol smiled through his tears. “Hopeless causes.”

“Can we stay like this for a while?” Baekhyun’s voice was barely audible.

“Of course.” Chanyeol whispered. He never wanted this moment to end.

Unfortunately, Baekhyun lifted his head from Chanyeol’s shoulder eventually. “Thank you.” He said. “It’s quite late. We should probably go home.”

“Probably.” Chanyeol agreed even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. He almost asked Baekhyun to stay.

“Guess I will see you tomorrow in class then.” He stopped before the opening in the tree group and turned around. “You really should perform your music at the next winter concert. Promise?”

Baekhyun was gone before Chanyeol could answer. He couldn’t wait to see him again.

~*~

Chanyeol had never been so early to class. It was borderline disturbing how he hadn’t turned around in his bed when his alarm had rung in the morning but instead had jumped out of bed full of energy, he had never known he had. And it was all because he was so excited to see Baekhyun again. Even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to talk to him in uni. Somehow seeing him would be enough. Maybe he would even be brave enough to text him again.

So, at 9.47am he was the only one sitting in the classroom. It was the smallest room in the building and had only 3 rows of tables.

Chanyeol was staring at his phone contemplating whether or not he should send Baekhyun a good-morning-text. His finger already hovered over the send button when the door to the classroom suddenly swung open. Chanyeol jumped at the sudden noise and then got surprised again when he saw Baekhyun standing in the entrance. He rarely was that punctual as well.

Baekhyun gave him a wide smile and closed the door. “Good morning, Chanyeol.”

“Good morning.” Chanyeol answered unable to stop staring at Baekhyun. He hadn’t been prepared to talk to him again, but he surely wasn’t complaining.

The other boy walked over to him, dumped his backpack on the table before walking around the tables to sit next to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol quickly locked his phone suddenly very much aware of the already typed out message in Baekhyun’s chat. He was also very surprised that Baekhyun had sat down next to him.

“Sitting with the losers now, huh?” Chanyeol joked in lack of knowing what else to say.

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow. “Second row is my usual spot. You’re trying to sit with the popular kids.”

Chanyeol pointed at the single row behind them. “Second to last row is my usual spot.”

Baekhyun chuckled. “Seems like we have to share the row then.”

Then there was silence between them. Baekhyun had taken out his phone and started to answer the countless messages he had received. Chanyeol didn’t want to disturb him and he felt awkward talking to Baekhyun without the comfort of his favourite place. He couldn’t help but think of how Baekhyun had cried, his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. It felt so distant under the bright light in the classroom.

But this was his chance to spend a few minutes with him so Chanyeol opened his mouth to start a conversation even though he didn’t know what to say. But then the door opened again, and more students entered the room. He closed his mouth again feeling too shy to talk to Baekhyun in front of everyone else.

When Sehun entered the classroom a few minutes later, he gave Chanyeol a very confused look before sitting down next to him.

“Hey, Chan, how’s it going?” He asked before mouthing _what the fuck_ indicating his head in Baekhyun’s direction.

Chanyeol just shrugged. How could he ever explain that to his friend? “All good, you?” He also felt very awkward to talk to anyone in front of Baekhyun. Why was he so god damn awkward?

“Still mad you cancelled on me. Who are you to reject a Netflix marathon?” Sehun complained, crossing his arms in front of him.

Chanyeol cringed. He had had an important meeting with a certain someone sitting next to him on the other side. “You know I needed to get some work done. I’ve been procrastinating it for forever now.” He lied. He was still procrastinating that work.

“Soon you’re gonna be as responsible as Kyungsoo.” Sehun said scrunching his nose his fake disgust.

“Hey, Sehun!” A voice suddenly said from behind Chanyeol. He turned around to see Junmyeon who had sat down his bag next to Baekhyun.

“Hey there.” Sehun answered smiling brightly.

“Were you able to find the crisp flavour you had been looking for in the end?” Junmyeon asked with a little chuckle. Chanyeol had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. Baekhyun gave him a questioning look and he just shrugged. Maybe they had recently met in the supermarket.

After a while of continuing their nonsense conversation Junmyeon said: “I’ve been meaning to talk to you to invite you to my New Year’s party by the way!”

Sehun’s dream come true. Chanyeol had to keep himself from rolling his eyes or bursting out in laughter. Or both at the same time.

“I’d love to come!” Sehun exclaimed, sounding just as excited as Chanyeol knew he would be.

“That’s great.” Junmyeon smiled. “How about you, Chanyeol?”

“Me?!” Chanyeol asked confused. He hadn’t even been aware that Junmyeon knew his name. Or that he existed for that matter.

Junmyeon chuckled. “Yes you. Baekhyun here will be there as well.” He said placing his hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders.

“Yeh sure that’d be great.” Chanyeol answered embarrassed. He avoided Baekhyun’s eyes.  
Chanyeol really wasn’t sure if he was happy or completely terrified to attend the same party as Baekhyun. Maybe he would get to spend more time with him or maybe he would have to witness him kissing someone else. Knowing about that hurt enough. Actually seeing it would probably rip his heart in two.

“Should be fun!” Baekhyun smiled and if Chanyeol have had any doubts about going they were gone now.

Maybe the lecture was incredibly boring or maybe Chanyeol was just way too distracted by Baekhyun sitting next to him, but he wouldn’t be able to recall a single thing the professor had said. And yet he still felt a little bit disappointed when it was over. He wanted to be beside Baekhyun for a little longer.

Junmyeon and Baekhyun had already packed their bags and were standing up. “We have another lecture now.” Junmyeon said. “See you around!”

“See you!” Sehun replied.

Baekhyun gave Chanyeol one of those cheeky smiles he liked so much. It made his heart flutter even more. “See you later.” He said.

Chanyeol was too overwhelmed to answer in time.

Sehun stared at him with a raised eyebrow. “What the fuck was that?”

Chanyeol pulled himself out of his trance and busied himself with packing his bag to not face Sehun. He wasn’t allowed to see how red Chanyeol’s cheeks were. His face was burning.

“What do you mean?” He tried to sound casual.

“Byun Baekhyun, Mr Popular himself, saying see you later to you?” Sehun said exasperated.

Chanyeol tried his best to make his shrug as nonchalantly as possible. “It’s a thing people say.”

“And why was he sitting next to you?” Sehun asked.

“When there only are three rows second and second to last become the same one, I guess.” Thank god he had talked about that to Baekhyun before, otherwise he wouldn’t have had an excuse for that. He didn’t mean to lie to Sehun but what was he supposed to say? That he had stumbled across a crying Baekhyun out of pure coincidence and now they kind of had that thing of meeting up and talking about their secrets? Not only did he want to expose Baekhyun like that, it also sounded completely made up.

“He was still sitting right next to you.” Sehun insisted.

“What do I know what goes on inside his mind I’ve talked to him like once.” Chanyeol said faking a laugh. “What I find a lot more surprising is that Junmyeon knows my name.”

“How is that surprising?” Sehun asked. “Of course, I’ve mentioned you.”

Chanyeol grimaced. “I hope only good things.”

“What good things?” Sehun grinned.

“Go to hell.”

~*~

**Baekhyun** _  
With later, I meant now._

Baekhyun texted him with a picture of Seoul’s skyline attached.

Chanyeol jumped up from his chair immediately, grabbed his coat, and slipped into his shoes.  
His heart was beating so fast in his chest and his cheeks ached from the huge smile on his face. He only stopped briefly to fix his hair in mirror, before heading out. Chanyeol ran part of the way but then slowed down because he would be too embarrassed for Baekhyun to find out if he’d arrived out of breath.

“That was quick.” Baekhyun beamed at him from the bench.

Chanyeol blushed. He was too fucking desperate.

“I live just down the road.” Chanyeol said with a nervous laugh and it wasn’t a lie.

“Glad you didn’t have any other plans.” Baekhyun said when Chanyeol sat down on the bench.  
Chanyeol would’ve cancelled them for him anyway.

“I’m surprised you don’t have any other plans.” Chanyeol countered.

Baekhyun chuckled. “Did you cancel on Sehun because of me?”

Chanyeol pretended to look at the moon to avoid Baekhyun from seeing his face heating up again. “You asked first.”

“Fair enough.” Baekhyun said. “I didn’t know Sehun was one of your friends. Junmyeon has mentioned him a few times but I rarely had the chance to talk to him.”

“Ever since the first semester.” Chanyeol explained. “He’s a great guy.”

“He seems like it.” Baekhyun agreed.

They sat in silence for a while until Baekhyun checked his phone. “I’m really hungry, do you think there will still be a free table at _The Oasis_?”

“Maybe.” Chanyeol said. “Wanna check?”

Baekhyun grinned. “Let’s go!”

Chanyeol felt excited but also really nervous. It almost felt like they were going on their first date only that it wasn’t a date at all. However, so far, he had only talked to Baekhyun here except for in uni this morning. Going somewhere together felt like they were actual friends now. But being friends still wasn’t enough for Chanyeol.

“Do you go there often?” Baekhyun asked on their way to the restaurant.

“Sometimes on Saturdays.”

Baekhyun chuckled. “Of course, everyone comes for the happy hour.”

“Sehun loves his fancy cocktails. He drags us there as often as he can.” Chanyeol had to laugh about his friend.

“He knows what’s good. I only like the sweet drinks as well.” Baekhyun admitted.

It was only when they arrived at _The Oasis_ that Chanyeol realised what going there really meant. The place was full and of course there would be people that knew Baekhyun. People would see them together. Did that mean they were officially friends now? And Baekhyun wasn’t embarrassed by hanging out with a loser like him?

“I think there’s still a free one over there.” Baekhyun said pointing into the corner. Chanyeol could only nod and they sat down.

“It’s really busy.” He said.

Baekhyun nodded. “Usually is.” It didn’t seem to bother him. But Chanyeol felt as if everyone was staring at him. Probably asking themselves who that loser at Baekhyun’s table was.

“What’re you having?” Baekhyun asked.

“I’m feeling some ramen.”

“Me too actually!” Baekhyun grinned. “Must be the cold weather.”

Chanyeol nodded in agreement and they ordered their food. The waiter knew Baekhyun but much to Chanyeol’s relief he didn’t care much for his company.

“You sounded very surprised when Junmyeon invited you to the New Year’s party.” Baekhyun chuckled lightly.

“I really didn’t expect him to.” Chanyeol explained. “I’ve never been.”

“To one of his parties?”

“Any uni party I guess.” Chanyeol said uncomfortably.

“Really?” Baekhyun asked surprised. “How come?”

Chanyeol shrugged avoiding Baekhyun’s eyes. “No one ever invited me. I told you I wasn’t popular.”

“You didn’t miss much.” Baekhyun said but Chanyeol didn’t believe him. It was all people talked about the next day.

“They say that parties are considered a failure if you don’t attend though.” Chanyeol chuckled.

Baekhyun grimaced. “They really are saying that?”

Chanyeol nodded. “It’s what I’ve heard.”

“How come some of those parties are still failures even though I’m there then?” Baekhyun asked jokingly.

Chanyeol laughed and for the first time he wasn’t completely terrified to be in Baekhyun’s presence. What felt like dinner with a friend was a lot less nerve-wrecking than deep conversations in a secret place.

The waiter placed their bowls in front of them and told them to enjoy their meal. Chanyeol wasn’t sure when he last enjoyed a meal this much. The food was as tasty as always but the company he was in was what made it special. The way Baekhyun chewed his noodles with his lips pursed in a pout made Chanyeol feel warm. It was one of the most adorable things he had ever seen. He almost felt sad when Baekhyun finished his food because he could’ve watched him eat for hours.

“Do you like games?” Baekhyun asked setting down his chopsticks.

“Like video games?” Chanyeol asked. He didn’t expect Baekhyun to be a gamer. “I do.”

“Wanna go to the arcade then? It’s not far from the campus.”

“Sure!” Chanyeol agreed maybe just a little bit too enthusiastic. He didn’t want to go home. He wanted to spend more time with Baekhyun. And the fact that Baekhyun wanted to spend more time with him as well made his heart jump.

“It’s like two stops on the bus.” Baekhyun explained after they had paid for their dinner. Chanyeol refrained from telling him that he knew because he had been there with Sehun. Kyungsoo had refused to come whenever they suggested going to the arcade. He said it was ‘a waste of money’.

Chanyeol was very aware of how many people looked at him when he was sitting next to Baekhyun on the bus. Some of them had greeted Baekhyun, others just stared.

No wonder Baekhyun felt so pressured when he was always being watched. Suddenly Chanyeol felt bad for having been one of those people that constantly stared at him. Chanyeol wondered if Baekhyun felt uncomfortable right now as well or if it was only the moments when he was alone when the pressure got to him. He should engage him in a conversation to distract him, but he felt too self-conscious to say anything at all. What were people thinking about him? Were they gossiping? Asking each other who that weirdo next to Baekhyun was? Did they know he didn’t deserve his attention?

“It’s weird when everyone is staring at you like this isn’t it?” Baekhyun whispered. Chanyeol hadn’t expected him to notice how uncomfortable he was.

Chanyeol jumped then laughed nervously. “Are they? I hadn’t even noticed.”

Baekhyun smiled knowingly. “I don’t think I will ever get used to it either, if I’m honest.”

Chanyeol swallowed then let his façade slip. Baekhyun had seen right through him anyway. “Makes me very much aware of every move I make.”

“Makes you wonder if there is a wrong way to blink doesn’t it?” Baekhyun chuckled.

“Kind of.” Chanyeol agreed. But he felt a lot more at ease now.

“We don’t have to go to the arcade if you don’t want. It’s very likely that there will be more people from uni.” Baekhyun’s tone sounded disappointed, almost defeated.

So Chanyeol grinned at him trying to distract both of them from how uncomfortable they were. “You’re just scared that I’ll wreck you.”

Baekhyun’s face lit up at the proposed challenge. “You wish!”

Chanyeol considered himself to be an excellent gamer. It was almost impossible for Sehun to ever win a game against him. Maybe he always won because he was a lot more competitive than Sehun could ever be. But Baekhyun defeated him at eleven out of the twelve games they played.

“Impossible!” Chanyeol exclaimed when his character fell to the ground and _You Lose_ was displayed on his screen.

Baekhyun beamed at him proudly. Receiving this smile definitely made losing worth it. Chanyeol hated it to lose but somehow, he didn’t mind if it meant that Baekhyun was happy because he had won.

“I told you there was no way you’d wreck me.” Baekhyun stood up from his seat and folded his arms. “Give up, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol held up his hands in defeat. “Okay, okay, you win.”

Baekhyun leaned forward so that their faces were the same height. “What do I win?”

_My heart_ is what Chanyeol thought. “An ice-cream?” Is what he said.

Baekhyun grimaced. “It’s way too cold for ice-cream!”

“What do you want then?” Chanyeol asked smiling.

“A wish!” As if Chanyeol wouldn’t give him anything he wanted anyway.

“And what do you wish for?” He asked.

Baekhyun cocked his head. “I don’t know yet. But I’ll let you know when I do.”

Chanyeol’s heart was pounding in his chest at how cute Baekhyun was. He wished he could’ve closed the gap between their faces and pressed his lips against Baekhyun’s. They looked so soft…

“It can be whatever I want, right?” Baekhyun asked.

“Sure!” Chanyeol said quickly. “Whatever you want.”

Baekhyun grinned widely.

“Will I regret agreeing to that?” Chanyeol asked but he wasn’t sure he could regret anything if he did it for Baekhyun.

“Maybe.” The other said and his grin turned into one of those cheeky ones that made Chanyeol’s knees feel weak.

It was close to 1am when they left the arcade. Biting cold air hit them when Chanyeol opened the door. A few snowflakes were falling.

“It’s snowing.” Baekhyun said softly and held out his hand to catch the snowflakes in his hand.

“It’s pretty isn’t it?” Chanyeol asked but he didn’t mean the snow. Baekhyun had pulled his scarf up to the tip of his nose again which had turned lightly pink from the cold. His eyes were sparkling.

“Very pretty.” Baekhyun agreed closing his eyes and breathing in the cold air. “Let’s walk home.”

“Won’t you be cold?” Chanyeol asked but cursed himself at how worried he sounded about Baekhyun. “I mean, isn’t it a bit too cold?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “The next bus is in thirty minutes. We’d be colder waiting.”

“Hm, that’s true.” Chanyeol admitted. So, they walked.

The streets were mostly empty at this late hour. Just the occasional car sped past them. Chanyeol could hear people shouting in the distant and techno music being played in one of the houses down the road. A drunk couple just exited the building when Chanyeol and Baekhyun walked past it. They had their arms wrapped around each other and he was kissing her cheek over and over again while she grinned widely.

“He said he loves me!” She shouted at Chanyeol and Baekhyun before starting to giggle uncontrollably.

“And she said she loves me!” He exclaimed before kissing her again. Their happiness felt almost tangible to Chanyeol.

“Cute.” Baekhyun said smiling and Chanyeol nodded in agreement. Although he couldn’t suppress the thought of wishing that he could be like them. His arms wrapped around Baekhyun, kissing him…

“Walking down the streets at night when you’re alone is scary but when you have company it makes you feel really free, doesn’t it?” Baekhyun mused interrupting Chanyeol’s thoughts. “Like I should be running around and conquer the world.”

Chanyeol grinned at him. “Then we should do that.”

Baekhyun stopped to look at him and returned his grin. “Shall we?” He asked and held out his hand.

Chanyeol laced his fingers with Baekhyun’s. His heart was pounding in his chest and the blush in his cheeks wasn’t because of the cold. He had hardly processed feeling Baekhyun’s small hand in his when the other suddenly started running. Chanyeol had no choice but to follow. Not that there was anything he’d rather do. He was faster than Baekhyun and at some point, he started dragging him onwards which made Baekhyun laugh even more. His laugh was bright and genuine and Chanyeol knew he would do absolutely everything to hear it again.

They ran until their lungs hurt from the cold air and their legs grew weak from laughing too hard.

“Stop, Chanyeol!” Baekhyun managed to squeak in between laughs and they slowed down until they came to a halt. Baekhyun was clutching his chest, breathing heavily, but he still hadn’t let go of Chanyeol’s hand. Chanyeol was out of breath as well but Baekhyun’s laugh was more breath-taking than any run could’ve been.

“Why aren’t you out of breath as much?” Baekhyun asked wheezing.

Chanyeol chuckled at how adorable he looked with big puffs of air coming out of his mouth. “I go to the gym a lot.”

“Aah” Baekhyun said reaching out to squeeze Chanyeol’s bicep. “Should’ve known.”

Chanyeol flushed avoiding Baekhyun’s eyes. Was he supposed to count that as a compliment?

“We ran quite far.” Baekhyun noticed. “It’s not much further to the campus from here.”

Chanyeol felt sad when Baekhyun let go of his hand when they continued walking. He wanted to hold it for just a little longer. Feel the soft skin underneath his fingertips and their palms pressed together.

“Today was fun.” Baekhyun said when they reached his dormitory.

“It was.” Chanyeol agreed.

“See you tomorrow in class?” Baekhyun asked.

“Yeh, see you tomorrow.” Chanyeol said. Baekhyun cutely waved at him with both hands before turning around and entering the building.

Chanyeol sighed. He still couldn’t believe he had spent the day with Baekhyun. As if they were actually friends. His lips involuntarily parted into a huge smile as he tucked his hands into his pockets and walked over to his own dormitory.

~*~

“What the fuck is going on?” Sehun asked looking Chanyeol up and down.

“What do you mean?” Chanyeol cocked his head in confusion.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Sehun’s look was suspicious. “Did you get laid?”

Chanyeol laughed. “Nah I wish, man.”

His friend raised a single eyebrow. “Then what is it?”

Chanyeol turned around to look out of the window again, watching the snowflakes fall. It reminded him of how Baekhyun had reached out his hand and smiled happily at the snow in his palm. “It’s snowing.” He repeated in the same tone Baekhyun had the night before.

“You’re scaring me, Chan.” Sehun said looking at Kyungsoo questioningly but their other friend just shook his head. “Maybe he’s in love.”

“Me in love?!” Chanyeol let out a laugh in disbelief. Fake disbelief that was. “Don’t be ridiculous, Soo.” He was so in love, it genuinely scared him. He had always known that Baekhyun would never reciprocate his feelings, but that fact had been easier to accept before he had talked to him, before he had leaned his head on his shoulder, and before he had held his hand.

“Maybe you should start dating. I like the happy Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo said.

Sehun snorted. “Are you joking? This is scarier than _The Conjuring_!”

“You always said I have too much energy, Sehun. I really don’t see how I’m acting any differently than usual.”

“True, but it’s that creepy smile.” Sehun grimaced.

Chanyeol shook his head. “Absolute nonsense.” Sehun grumbled something but luckily dropped the topic just in time for when Baekhyun and his friends entered the classroom.

“Why does he always need such a grand entry?” Sehun said looking at Baekhyun in disgust.

Chanyeol just shrugged, too distracted by how Baekhyun’s hair moved when he walked to his seat. He didn’t need a grand entry. His entry was grand because it was him who entered.

Their eyes met when Baekhyun hung his jacket over his chair and he smiled and winked at Chanyeol. Fortunately, he sat down before he could see the blush in Chanyeol’s cheeks. This boy would be the death him.

**Baekhyun** _  
It’s still snowing!_

**Chanyeol** _  
It is!_

He attached a picture he took of a tree branch covered in snow. The morning sun had illuminated it perfectly for Chanyeol to capture the artistic glare.

**Baekhyun  
** _That’s so pretty! Did you take it?_

**Chanyeol  
** _I did hahah_

**Baekhyun  
** _Musician and photographer, huh? Very impressive_

**Chanyeol  
** _Does that mean my flexing was successful?_

**Baekhyun  
** _I guess so!_

**Chanyeol  
** _Then it was worth it to take 30 pics to get the angle right hahah_

**Baekhuyn  
** _Spoken like a true photographer_

**Chanyeol  
** _Something like that_

“What do you think, Baek?” Junmyeon asked. “You haven’t said anything to the plans.”

Baekhyun looked up from his phone. “Sounds great.” He said before typing out another message.

**Baekhyun  
** _Oopsie I should probably listen to my friends. No idea what today’s plans are hahah_

**Chanyeol  
** _Guess you should_

And yet he was disappointed when Baekhyun didn’t text back.

“You’re coming to the library later right, Chan?” Kyungsoo asked.

“As if I would miss out on a library date with you two.” Chanyeol grinned.

When they sat in the library, he really wasn’t in the mood to study though. Chanyeol looked over to his friends wondering how they managed to focus on their writing. Kyungsoo’s eyebrows were knitted together in the way they always were when he was in deep concentration. His fingers hit the keys on his laptop with so much force and determination, Chanyeol was surprised none of the letters had stopped working. Kyungsoo was a very hard-working student. He took his tasks and his grades very seriously, and the hard work always paid off. Becoming a professor really suited him. Sehun on the other hand seemed to struggle a bit more but even he was much more focussed than Chanyeol was. Neither of them had a healthy attitude towards their studies, trying to get by with as little effort as possible. If it hadn’t been for Kyungsoo they probably would have failed many of their exams.

Chanyeol barely managed to write anything for his term paper. He had read a paragraph of one of the academic journals he’d been reading five times without taking in any of the information before he gave up and accepted that today just wasn’t the day. Kyungsoo would not be happy about him leaving early and “not taking his studies seriously”. However, as much as he tried to focus and read the damn paper to write a few words, all he could think about was Baekhyun.

Baekhyun as he had grinned at him widely after winning a game at the arcade. How cutely his lips had turned into a pout when he had chewed his food. How small and warm his hand had felt in his own and how soft the skin was. Chanyeol could still hear Baekhyun’s excited laugh while they had run, and it made him smile and it made him ache. His heart ached to be with Baekhyun again, to see his smile again, and feel his touch again. And it ached because even if he could, even if Baekhyun would want to see him again, he would never reciprocate what Chanyeol felt, what he desired, what he _needed_.

Chanyeol sighed deeply letting his head crash onto the keyboard. His friends turned to him but Chanyeol ignored their questioning stares.

“Need a break?” Sehun asked.

Chanyeol just groaned. He didn’t need a break from his term paper, he needed a break from his feelings. But how could he ever explain that to Sehun and Kyungsoo?

“We should get more work done before a break.” Kyungsoo said.

“We’ve been here for three hours!” Sehun exclaimed.

“Exactly my point.” Kyungsoo retorted.

“It’s 4pm! We should get lunch and call it a day.” Sehun insisted. “Right, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol lifted his head off of his keyboard looking at his friends who were waiting for his reply. “I’m with Sehun.”

“Did you even write anything today?” Kyungsoo asked his brows furrowed again.

Chanyeol just shrugged and closed his laptop. He could sit here for another three hours and he wouldn’t be able to write a single word so might as well leave.

Sehun grinned widely when Chanyeol packed his bag, starting to clear his desk as well. Kyungsoo shook his head but he wouldn’t miss out on a joint lunch. “Can’t believe I’ll have to work tonight instead because of you two.” He grumbled but secretly he was looking forward to a break as well. The Christmas holidays would be soon, so despite the deadlines for term papers being close, spending time with friends before everyone went home for Christmas was just as important.

~*~

The week passed by so excruciatingly slowly. Lectures, trying to work on his term papers, a barely there effort to keep his dorm room remotely clean. The only silver lining were the few messages he received from Baekhyun. It wasn’t much, just a couple texts at how bored they were during a lecture and how annoying the term papers were.

Chanyeol hadn’t seen Baekhyun since they had gone to the arcade together, except for in class. But he could hardly count that. Admiring him from afar just wasn’t enough anymore. How had it ever been?

It was Friday night and Chanyeol was lying on his bed staring at the chat with Baekhyun. He wanted to see him so badly, but the other hadn’t asked to hang out and Chanyeol was too afraid to ask. What if Baekhyun really didn’t want to see him anymore? Just because they had hung out one evening didn’t mean that it would become a regular thing. After all he was just the stranger Baekhyun had told his troubles to because why not? Or was he? Baekhyun had seemed to have fun at the arcade as well. So why shouldn’t Chanyeol just text him?

Chanyeol sighed, locking his phone and throwing it to the side. He buried his face in his elbows wishing he could go out with Kyungsoo and Sehun but both of them had planned their date night. Though only one of them would have a successful one, Chanyeol assumed.

He lowered his elbows and stared at his phone. He should just ask. What was the harm in asking? What was the worst that could happen?

Baekyhun could say no, he could be annoyed with how eager Chanyeol was to see him, he could tell him that they weren’t friends and Chanyeol should leave him alone. With being so eager he could expose himself. What if Baekhyun found out how he felt about him? Would it even be surprising? Everyone liked Baekhyun. But surely it was annoying for him, uncomfortable even. Would he mock him for it? Chanyeol really didn’t want to blow his chance at being Baekhyun’s friend. At least his friend, since anything else was impossible. And wouldn’t a friend ask to hang out? Wouldn’t it seem like he wasn’t interested in the friendship if he never asked Baekhyun to hang out but always waited for him to initiate meeting up? Baekhyun had initiated hanging out before, he had said he wanted to see Chanyeol. So maybe…?

Chanyeol took a deep breath in, unlocked his phone and typed out a message.

**Chanyeol  
** _Any plans tonight?_

His heart was pounding as his finger hovered over the send button. Did it sound casual enough? Like just a friend wondering if they could hang out?

He shook his head and bit his lip and hit send. His hands were shaking. He sat and stared at his phone for a long time. When his phone lit up Chanyeol had a minor heart attack until he realised that it was just a message from Sehun in the group chat.

He let out a breath he didn’t notice he had held. Baekhyun wouldn’t answer, it was Friday night after all. Chanyeol sat up to plan a lonely evening when his phone lit up again.

**Baekhyun  
** _Yeh have to go to a party tonight. Not sure who’s even hosting. Minseok said it would be great_

Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel disappointed even though this had been the most likely outcome. What made him hope that Baekhyun would spontaneously have time for him? What made him hope Baekhyun would have time for him at all? Then he saw the second message.

**Baekhyun  
** _Don’t plan on staying long tho so we could hang out afterwards if you’ll still be awake then_

Now his heart was beating in his chest and his cheeks felt like they were being split into two because his smile was so wide. Baekyhun had agreed to hang out. He wanted to see him! Chanyeol would stay awake all night to see him.

**Chanyeol  
** _I’m sure I’ll still be awake haha  
What time are you getting back?_

**Baekhyun  
** _Not sure. Shall I just come to your place afterwards then you don’t have to wait anywhere_

Baekhyun at his place? Now he was panicking. He had neglected his dorm room over the last couple months a lot. Did he still have enough time for a deep clean? Would that look suspicious?

**Chanyeol  
** _Yeh that’d be great!_

**Baekyhun  
** _Cool, see you later then!_

**Chanyeol  
** _See you later!_

Chanyeol set his phone down and looked around in his room. Dirty dishes still sat in the sink, uneaten ramyeon on his small dining table. Worn clothes were spread all over the floor and his keyboard and guitar were placed on the two chairs he had. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cleaned his bathroom.

“For fucks sake.” He muttered and got up. Where to start?

He collected the clothes from the floor and shoved them into the small laundry basket inside his closet. Next, he placed his keyboard and guitar back into their usual spot at his desk. Then he put away the leftover ramyeon and wiped down the dining table. Would Baekhyun even notice the crumps on it? Better safe than sorry.

The next task on his agenda was washing the dishes in the sink. He should have enough cups to offer Baekhyun a drink. Did he still have some snacks in the kitchen cupboard?

When the sink was sufficiently clean, he turned around and discovered that his bed was also unmade.

Chanyeol shook his head. “You’re so disgusting. Baekhyun deserves to see in which state you usually live. And you deserve to be hated.” He said to himself. He hated himself in this very moment.

He let out a deep sigh when he opened the bathroom door. There was dried water all over the faucet and the mirror and dirty towels were spread on the floor mimicking the clothes that had been all over the floor in the main room. “Fucking disgusting.” He repeated, then started cleaning.

After dusting and vacuuming the floor, Chanyeol sat down on his bed completely exhausted. The whole ordeal had taken him two and half hours. He wished he was like Kyungsoo whose dorm room always looked impeccable regardless of which time of the semester it was. Chanyeol usually only cleaned it at the beginning of the semester after returning back from home. “This semester I’m gonna study hard and keep my room clean.” He would promise himself every time after the deep clean until he was a couple weeks into the semester, and it all went downhill again. If only he had stuck to his resolutions this time.

It was only then that Chanyeol looked at the clock and realised it was only quarter past ten. In his panicked state he had cleaned everything as quickly as possible when really, he could’ve taken his time because what party would even start before 10pm?

He sighed. How many hours of waiting could his poor heart and nerves take?

~*~

**Baekhyun  
** _Omw back now. Are you still awake?_

It was quarter to 2 in the morning when Chanyeol’s phone lit up displaying Baekhyun’s message. Of course, he was still awake. Even more so now, that his heart was beating so fast and his hands were shaking. The level of his excitement to see Baekhyun was pretty embarrassing. He hadn’t been able to relax at all ever since they had made the plans. When he had finished up cleaning his room, he had tried to distract himself for the time he had to wait for Baekhyun, but nothing had worked. It felt like he had been staring at his phone for almost 4 hours waiting for the message.

**Chanyeol  
** _Yeh I am!_

Chanyeol gave Baekhyun the address of his dorm room and the other told him he would be there in a couple minutes. He gave his room one last evaluation before deciding that it was fine the way it was and if it was anymore clean it would really show that he had just cleaned his entire room for over two hours because Baekhyun was coming over. He didn’t want to seem like a slob, but he also didn’t want Baekhyun to notice just how eager he was.

Now Chanyeol found himself sitting on his bed staring at the front door in the exact same manner he had been sitting staring at his phone for the past hours. Baekhyun _really_ was going to be the death of him.

When the doorbell finally rung Chanyeol still jumped a little and had to take a deep breath in and out before he felt mentally prepared enough to open the door. However, when he did open the door, he realised that no amount of deep breaths could have ever prepared him for this.

Baekhyun’s soft brown hair framed his beautiful face, his usual fringe parted in the middle. His eyes were accentuated with smoked out eyeshadow intensifying their deep brown colour while his lips had a soft sheen. Even in the horrible artificial lighting of the dormitory hallway the light broke on them perfectly to make them look so soft and kissable. Chanyeol had to clench his jaw to keep himself from just giving in to his desire and lean in to kiss Baekhyun. It didn’t help that he wore an oversized bomber jacket over a loose grey t-shirt, tight red leather pants, and black boots. He just looked so breathtakingly _hot,_ Chanyeol felt slightly dizzy.

In the four hours of waiting he had also panicked about what to do about his own appearance. What should he wear? What should he do with his hair? But he had then decided that dressing up when hanging out in his home would look extremely eager. So he had settled for his usual pair of black skinny jeans, an oversized hoodie, and left his black curls hanging into his face. Now he second guessed his choices, but then again, he wasn’t the one who had been to a party.

“Hey there.” Baekhyun greeted him with a wide smile.

“Hey.” Chanyeol answered stepping aside to let Baekhyun in. He could hear his own voice shake even though he had only spoken a short word. He had to pull himself together if he didn’t want to end the night with a heart attack.

Baekhyun entered and started taking off his jacket and boots. Standing next to him, Chanyeol could smell the smoke and alcohol on him. The stench of every house party. But he didn’t mind when it was Baekhyun.

It was when Baekhyun mindlessly held onto Chanyeol’s shoulder for stability while pulling the second boot of his foot that Chanyeol realised that he was rather tipsy. Maybe even a little drunk. That, he also was definitely not prepared for.

“I brought some drinks by the way.” Baekhyun announced holding up the tote bag in his hand. “I had way more than I should’ve at that party, so you need to get on my level.”

Baekhyun in his apartment was dangerous. But Baekhyun in his apartment when he was drunk was a whole different story. What if in his drunken delusion Chanyeol would suddenly confess his love for the other? God, this was an awful idea.

But instead he chuckled and said: “Alright, I should also have something in the fridge”, because there was no way he could say no to Baekhyun. Especially not when he was looking like _that._

“Good.” Baekhyun said satisfied venturing over to the dining table to set the drinks down. “Your place is so tidy.” He remarked then turned around with cheeky grin. “Don’t tell me you tidied just for me?”

Chanyeol could feel the heat rise in cheeks. So he had overdone it. “Uh… maybe a little bit I guess.” He stuttered.

“Cute.” Baekhyun said scrunching up his little button nose. Then he reached into the tote bag, took out two of the beer cans, opened them, and handed one to Chanyeol.

“Didn’t think you’d still be awake at this time.”

Chanyeol shrugged. “I always stay up way too late. Kind of a bad habit I guess.” He would’ve waited until 5am to see Baekhyun if that would have been what it took.

“I’m glad.” Baekhyun smiled and walked over to Chanyeol’s bed to sit down and lean against the wall, his feet pulled up underneath himself. Baekhyun on his bed was something he had only imagined in his wildest and most secret dreams.

Baekhyun patted the space next to him indicating Chanyeol to sit down with him. He assumed it was because Baekhyun was rather tipsy but Chanyeol couldn’t deny that he liked how Baekhyun acted like it was so natural for him to be here.

He sat down careful not to sit too close to the other. That really would be too much for his heart right now. It was still beating way too fast. Maybe getting drunk was a good idea after all.

“I always try not to get too drunk at parties but damn, sometimes it’s the only way to get through them.” Baekhyun sighed. “So much easier to sell a piece of your soul to everyone when you’re so drunk you forget that you never wanted to be there in the first place.”

Chanyeol chuckled. “I can imagine.”

“I wanted to come earlier but it was a real struggle to escape there.” He grimaced before smiling at Chanyeol again and raising his can to clink it with Chanyeol’s. “But I’m here now so you better get _really_ drunk with me.”

Tipsy Baekhyun was so unbelievably cute and hot at the same time. It made Chanyeol even more nervous to be around him than usual, but it also made him smile so widely.

“Will do.” Chanyeol answered, touched his can to Baekhyun’s and then downed a good third of it.

Baekhyun reciprocated his wide grin. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

They drank and chatted about meaningless things like how far they had progressed in their favourite games and who of them would be better at bowling (Chanyeol was very much convinced that no one could beat him), and Baekhyun told him embarrassing stories about their classmates from the party that made Chanyeol laugh so much that he slapped his own thigh way too violently. Four cans of beer down and a fair few glasses of soju from his fridge and Chanyeol was feeling very tipsy as well. Baekhyun was properly drunk at this point.

“And then she came up to me”, he explained with a wide grin cringing at their classmate’s behaviour. “Not like a normal person would approach anyone. She came up to me like this.” Baekhyun scooted closer to Chanyeol leaning in way too close. Chanyeol held his breath, his heart beating so loudly. He had never been this close to Baekhyun before. He would only have to lean in a little bit closer, just a few inches, and he could press his lips to Baekhyun’s. Chanyeol could feel the other’s breath on his cheeks and up close he could detect the slightly sweet scent of Baekhyun underneath the smell of alcohol and smoke coming off of his clothes. He knew his cheeks were flushed and his palms started to become sweaty.

“And then she just touched me like this.” Baekhyun continued, reaching out to run his hand down Chanyeol’s chest. All the way from the collarbones to his belly button. Chanyeol had to bite his lip very hard not to shiver under the touch. He needed to get out of this situation if he wanted to keep his sanity. But really, he wished the moment would never stop and he could always stay this close to Baekhyun.

“And then she said: You’re way too hot to not be in my bed right now.” He mimicked the sultry voice the girl had used. “Who even says something like that?!” He exclaimed leaning back again. Chanyeol almost reached out to pull him back. But even in his current state of intoxication he was able to keep himself under control. He finally let out the breath he had been holding.

“That’s super weird.” He said his voice shaking a little bit.

“I’m sorry. Did that make you uncomfortable?” Baekhyun asked. His words did not match the cheeky grin on lips. The shiny lip tint he had been wearing had worn off. Now his lips glistened from the soju on them.

“N-no, not at all.” Chanyeol objected quickly, shaking his head.

“Hm, you’re cute when you’re blushing.” Baekhyun said before emptying his glass.

This was the second time he had called him cute this night and Chanyeol was very certain that his heart could not process another time. Why did Baekhyun have to be so _flirty_ when he was drunk? Getting drunk with him really had been a terrible idea. But he couldn’t deny that his heart was bursting with happiness. How he wished he could spend the night with Baekhyun like this forever.

“Says you.” Maybe he didn’t have himself as much under control as he thought he did. He quickly busied himself with drinking, hoping that maybe Baekhyun hadn’t heard him or at least wouldn’t notice his nervousness.

“I don’t blush.” Baekhyun claimed, crossing his arms.

“Oh really now?” Chanyeol challenged him.

Baekhyun nodded.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Try me.” Baekhyun prompted him.

Chanyeol froze. What was he supposed to do?

Then Baekhyun burst out in laughter. “See, you can’t even try because we both know you would blush before me.”

Chanyeol was nothing if not competitive, so fuelled solely on his will to win, deactivating every bit of common sense that was left in his brain, he leaned forward placing his hand next to Baekhyun’s head on the wall. He was so close that he could make out the different shades of brown in his eyes. Baekhyun was staring right back at him, seemingly unbothered by their sudden proximity. God, this was getting way out of hand.

Chanyeol panicked and just said the first joke that came into his head to relieve the tension. He could not take it. Not when he knew that for Baekhyun this was all just a drunken joke that would be forgotten in the morning. “You’re way too hot to not be in my bed right now.”

Baekhyun broke out in laughter, his head collapsing onto Chanyeol’s shoulder. When he recovered a little a bit, he lifted his head again showing off another cheeky smile. “I technically am, you know.”

Chanyeol jerked back, his cheeks seriously flushing. It really was way out of hand. What the hell was he doing here?

Baekhyun started laughing again. “Told you I’d win.”

Chanyeol downed his drink and leaned back against the pillows. “Alright, alright, you win.” He grumbled.

“Was a good one using that girl’s line though.” Baekhyun chuckled.

“Do people always say such weird things to you at parties?” Chanyeol asked chuckling as well. He could at least pretend he had recovered from whatever had just happened.

“A lot of the time, yes. But it never stops being funny.”

“How do you not laugh in their faces when they say that?” Chanyeol wondered.

“Oh, I have before.” Baekhyun reached out to refill Chanyeol’s glass before pouring soju into his own. “One time there was this couple that asked me if I would have a threesome with them.”

“No way.” Chanyeol exclaimed in disbelief.

“I’m not joking.” Baekhyun retorted. “Couldn’t help but laugh.”

“What do you say to people like that?”

“That couple or in general?”

“Both.”

“Depends.” He said grinning.

“Oh, don’t tell me weird lines work on you.” Chanyeol whined in faked pain holding his chest.

Baekhyun chuckled again. “Usually they don’t.”

“I think I would’ve thrown you out if you said they did.”

“Come on, some are not that bad!” Baekhyun insisted.

Chanyeol just gave him a look. “Alright, alright, they’re all really bad.” Baekhyun gave in.

They sat and drank in silence for a while. Chanyeol tried observing Baekhyun without looking at him too directly. He still couldn’t believe that this night was actually happening and wasn’t just a dream that he would wake up from feeling disappointed and lonely.

Leaning back the world around Chanyeol had started to spin slightly. He needed to stop drinking. And he also needed to stop Baekhyun from drinking any more. His eyes had that drunken glimmer that made Chanyeol sure that his surroundings would be spinning just as much as his own.

Baekhyun sighed, closing his eyes. “These parties always drain me so much that I can’t wait to finally get home and be by myself. But when I’m alone it’s weird because I go from having dozens of people wanting my attention to realising that none of them truly care about me, they just want me for popularity. I hate the superficiality of the people there and I hate the loneliness that comes with only having these unfulfilling interactions even more.”

He looked down at the glass in his hands, turning it around. He had been so flirty and bold a moment before but now he looked so small and vulnerable. Chanyeol wanted to hold him, comfort him, but he wasn’t sure he was allowed.

Baekhyun smiled softly. “I don’t feel like that today though. Lonely, I mean. I’m not sure if that’s really why you’re listening to me whine all the time, but I somehow feel like you genuinely care about me. Please tell me I’m right.” He was still smiling but his voice sounded so desperate. He really was afraid that Chanyeol didn’t actually care about him. This realisation hit him hard. Chanyeol had been so caught up in his own insecurity about whether Baekhyun would really like him that he never even considered that Baekhyun might think the same about him. He had always assumed Baekhyun knew that he liked him because everyone liked him. But it turned out that Baekhyun was questioning that because even though everyone liked him, he never knew if they did because of him or because of his popularity. Chanyeol should have known. Baekhyun had told him his struggles but he never dared to think that Baekhyun genuinely cared about what he thought of him.

“You are.” Chanyeol said softly. “I do genuinely care about you.”

Baekhyun looked up at him. His eyes were glistening with tears he tried to hold back. “Thank you.”

Chanyeol wanted to reach out to him so badly. But he was such a coward, so he didn’t move. Instead he said: “I’m sure all your other friends do as well.”

“Do you think?” Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol nodded. “Then why do I always feel so lonely?”

Chanyeol wasn’t sure what to say to that. He couldn’t even know if Baekhyun’s friends cared. He just couldn’t imagine how anyone could not care about Baekhyun. It wasn’t his looks or his popularity that made him so special. It was the way he laughed, the way his charm was so captivating that you just wanted to listen to him talk and never tear your eyes off him. It was the way he could be both so bold and confident and yet so vulnerable and honest. It was the small things, like how he tapped his lips with his pen when he was deep in thought, and the big things, like how Chanyeol felt that he was the happiest man alive when he was the reason Baekhyun was smiling.

It was this that finally made Chanyeol gather his courage to sit up and place his hand on top of Baekhyun’s. He squeezed it before looking up into Baekhyun’s eyes. Chanyeol must’ve still been very drunk to be brave enough to say this and not feel shy. “I want to make sure you never have to be lonely again.”

“I don’t deserve you, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun said, his cheeks coloured a light pink. He leaned against Chanyeol’s chest, placing his head on his shoulder. There was no way Baekhyun wouldn’t hear how fast Chanyeol’s heart was beating.

“Do you want to stay like this for a while?” Chanyeol asked. He wasn’t sure who of them needed it more. Baekhyun nodded, so Chanyeol wrapped his arms around him.

~*~

When Chanyeol awoke it was already dark again. Only the streetlight outside cast a soft glow into the room. It was a cold light though, colouring the room an eery blue shade. And yet he still felt so warm, so comfortable. Staying up late and waking up when the sun had already set again was not unusual for Chanyeol. What was unusual was the weight on his chest.

When reality hit him, he suddenly felt too hot and not comfortable at all anymore. Baekhyun was still there. In his bed. With him. His head on his chest.

He must’ve held Baekhyun for a while even though it had only felt like seconds. It had felt so good to have his arms wrapped around the other’s shoulders, feel the weight of his head.

The first few timid rays of sunshine had already illuminated his room turning it a warm orange colour when he realised that Baekhyun had fallen asleep in his arms. He had contemplated waking him. He should’ve woken him. Waking Baekhyun up, calling it a night, and letting him go home would have been what anyone else would have done. Maybe a half-hearted offer to stay out of pure politeness that would be rejected anyway. But he was too selfish. He had wanted to hold Baekhyun for just another moment. Be with him for a little longer. Just until he would wake up on his own.

But he hadn’t. Being really drunk did help with a deep sleep after all. So Chanyeol had leaned back slowly to, ironically, not wake Baekhyun up. He had hissed lightly as his back had hit the mattress. He hadn’t realised how much his spine hurt from sitting in that position and supporting Baekhyun’s weight as well.

He had looked down, but he hadn’t been able to see Baekhyun’s face as it was nestled into his shoulder. Maybe it was better that he hadn’t seen it. He wasn’t sure what seeing Baekhyun sleep would have done to his heart and he wasn’t sure he could take falling in love with him even more.

However, he had felt the strands of Baekhyun’s hair tickle his neck ever so softly. It had still smelled of smoke from the party Baekhyun had been to, but he couldn’t help burying just the tip of his nose in it.

And so he had waited for Baekhyun to wake up until it got brighter in his room. He hadn’t thought he would be able to fall asleep because he had still been so nervous. But secretly he hadn’t waited for Baekhyun to wake up, he had waited to fall asleep as well. He needed him to stay as long as possible.

Was Baekhyun still asleep now? Chanyeol suddenly feared him waking up. What would he say why he didn’t wake him? What would he say that they were suddenly lying down? What would he say that he hadn’t let go of him even though he could hardly feel his left arm anymore because of Baekhyun’s shoulder digging into his? Waking him up really would have been the sensible decision.

Chanyeol had to chuckle lightly. Baekhyun sleeping on his chest. What an absolutely surreal moment. Even as just friends he never would have believed that this would happen.

Suddenly Baekhyun started to shift lightly. Chanyeol froze. The movement of his chest when he laughed must have woken Baekhyun up. He felt panic rising in chest.

The only thing he could think of to do, was pretend he was still asleep. He closed his eyes and tried his best to even out his breath although he felt like he was choking. Then he felt Baekhyun’s head slowly rise from his chest. He peeled himself out of Chanyeol’s embrace. Chanyeol felt cold without Baekhyun’s warmth. He waited for another moment but Baekhyun didn’t seem to do anything. So he shifted slightly, lifting his hand to rub his eye, pretending to wake up. _You’re a horrible actor._ He thought to himself.

He opened his eyes.

Baekhyun was meeting his gaze, looking slightly embarrassed. “Uh hey, I didn’t mean for this to become an accidental sleepover.”

Chanyeol had to look away. Baekhyun’s hair was messy, his makeup smudged. He looked gorgeous. “Uh its fine.” Chanyeol said quickly, sitting up and turning his body to the right to look for his phone. Baekhyun shouldn’t see his blush.

“What’s the time?” Baekhyun asked. “My phone’s dead.”

Chanyeol reached over to where his phone was lying on his desk. “5.56pm.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun just said. Chanyeol felt incredibly embarrassed himself but he never imagined that Baekhyun would feel equally embarrassed about their situation. They sat there for a moment in silence, too ashamed to speak.

“I should probably go home.” Baekhyun said.

“Sure.” Chanyeol answered even though he wanted him to stay. Forever.

He took a deep breath in then turned back around to Baekhyun and smiled at him. “As the sleepover host, I can’t let you go without at least offering to make you breakfast.” It had sounded a lot more casual than he thought it would.

“I’m good, thanks.” Baekhyun said and got off the bed, making his way to the door.

Chanyeol stood up as well and lingered around the entry until Baekhyun had put on his boots and jacket. Neither of them dared to turn the lights on.

“Thanks for letting me stay and… uhm… thanks for everything. I’ll see you around.” Baekhyun opened the door and left before Chanyeol could answer.

He stood there in the dark for a while. Alone. He should’ve woken Baekhyun up.

~*~

**Kyungsoo  
** _Chan, are you still alive?_

**Sehun  
** _Did you die, or did you get laid?_

_Please say you got laid._

**Kyungsoo  
** _Chanyeol?_

**Chanyeol  
** _Still alive and didn’t get laid. What’re you so worried about? Weren’t you the ones getting laid here?_

**Sehun  
** _Damn it Chan I was about to come over to your place. What were you moping about?_

**Chanyeol  
** _I wasn’t moping!_

**Sehun  
** _Then why haven’t you replied in so long?!_

**Chanyeol  
** _Stop sounding like you’re my mum_

**Sehun  
** _Can’t believe I was worried about you_

**Chanyeol  
** _I love you too_

Reading his friends messages worrying about him just because he hadn’t replied in a day made Chanyeol chuckle. He really was lucky to have them. Lucky to have someone who cared about him. This thought made him think of last night’s conversation with Baekhyun again. He had hardly thought about anything else since Baekhyun had left.

It had filled him with a weird sadness when the door had shut behind Baekhyun. He would probably never be as close to him again.

Chanyeol sighed, looking over his shoulder at his bed where he and Baekhyun had been sleeping a couple of hours ago. The sheets were still messy, Baekhyun’s scent still lingered in the air. The room was stuffy but Chanyeol didn’t dare to open a window. He didn’t want the last remaining bit of Baekhyun to leave as well.

He leaned back lying down in the position he had been in all day. Chanyeol lifted his arms pretending to wrap them around Baekhyun’s shoulders again. He closed his eyes trying to imagine the way it had felt to have Baekhyun’s warm body pressed against his. His head on his shoulder, his hair slightly tickling Chanyeol’s face, his small hand bunching up Chanyeol’s hoodie.

But imagining it was not the same. It didn’t cure his desire to be with Baekhyun again. He groaned with a mixture of pain and annoyance and let his hands collapse onto his chest.

Chanyeol lay there for a while before he told himself to pull himself together and sat up. This is when he noticed something light beige sitting on top of his dining table. Baekhyun’s tote bag.

Due to the confusion and embarrassment both of them had felt when they had woken up still holding each other, Baekhyun must’ve forgotten about it.

Chanyeol walked over to the table and lifted the bag. It had a print of a panda head on with large sparkly eyes and pink cheeks. It was so adorable, Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile because of it.

The bag was empty except for a ridiculous amount of grocery store receipts and a couple of hand-written grocery lists. Baekhyun had drawn little smileys and dogs on them. Chanyeol’s smile grew even wider. He stared at the little piece of paper for a while before deciding that Baekhyun probably wouldn’t miss it. He felt a little bit weird slipping the list into one of the notepads on his desk. Not because he was technically stealing an object that was now useless to Baekhyun anyway, but because the other would probably feel weird when he found out that Chanyeol had kept one of his grocery lists just because it had been his.

However, he would still return the bag and the rest of its contents. He walked back to his bed and picked up his phone. He was glad he had an excuse to already text Baekhyun again.

**Chanyeol  
** _Hey I hope you made it home okay. You forgot your bag at my place btw_

~*~

A week later Chanyeol still hadn’t received an answer to his text. It was Friday and the last day of lectures before they would break up for the Christmas holidays. Then he wouldn’t have the chance to see Baekhyun until the New Year’s party.

The week had past even slower than the one before and this time it had been painful. Every morning when he woke up, he checked his phone, hopeful that maybe today was the day Baekhyun would answer him. He didn’t. The message wasn’t even read. Baekhyun was completely ignoring him. He really should’ve woken him up. Maybe if he hadn’t been so selfish, if he hadn’t allowed himself to hold Baekhyun for as long as he could, the other would still talk to him. Had holding him really been worth it?

He saw Baekhyun twice during the week during lectures. He had been worried when Baekhyun didn’t show up for the Monday lecture, but he didn’t dare to text him again. Chanyeol calmed himself with the fact that half of Baekhyun’s friend group also skipped the lecture.

On Tuesday morning Baekhyun had entered the classroom looking as flawless as always. He had laughed with his friends, had tapped his pencil against his lips in concentration as he always did, and he had left with Jongin and Minseok telling Jongdae, Junmyeon, and Yixing that they would see them later. He hadn’t looked at Chanyeol once.

On Thursday afternoon Chanyeol saw Baekhyun leaving the library. His hair was messy, and he was carrying a stack of books as well as his laptop in his arms. Chanyeol didn’t dare approaching him. He wasn’t sure if Baekhyun had seen him.

Friday at noon was the deadline for the term papers. With Baekhyun ignoring him, Chanyeol had been even more distracted than before and barely able to concentrate on writing anything. He would hand whatever nonsense he had come up with in, but he was fairly certain that he wouldn’t pass. Kyungsoo would be furious.

“Ah finally.” Sehun exclaimed dropping his term paper into the box their professor had set up. “So glad this is over.”

“You act like it was such a hard task.” Kyungsoo mocked him.

Sehun ignored his friend’s comment and turned to Chanyeol. “Aren’t you glad this is finally over?”

“Me?” Chanyeol asked being torn out of his thoughts. “Yeh sure, finally.”

“You don’t sound very happy at all.” Kyungsoo remarked.

Chanyeol shrugged. “Not sure I will pass to be honest.”

“Why?” Kyungsoo asked.

Chanyeol just shrugged again. He wanted to go home. He needed some time alone. He couldn’t focus on conversations and trying to smile when he was so caught up in his thoughts about Baekhyun and if there was anything, he could do to reverse whatever damage he had done to their short-lived friendship.

“Are you okay?” Sehun asked. “You have been so withdrawn all week.”

“We thought it was just the stress because of the term paper.” Kyungsoo added.

Chanyeol straightened his back and made an effort to smile at his friends. “I’m fine, don’t worry.” He lied. “Just tired.”

Sehun and Kyungsoo exchange a look. “We should get some celebratory drinks that we finished the term papers!” Sehun proposed.

“I’m gonna pass.” Chanyeol said. “I really need some sleep. Been pulling all-nighters to get this paper done.”

“No way you’re gonna pass.” Kyungsoo said sternly. “It’s the last time we see each other before Christmas.”

“You’re all still coming to the New Year’s party, though right?” Sehun asked.

Chanyeol cringed. Could he really still attend with Baekhyun being there? He probably wouldn’t want him there. He should just stay with his family over New Year’s.

“I told you I already have plans, but Chanyeol will definitely come.” Kyungsoo said grinning at Chanyeol cheekily.

Kyungsoo and Sehun grabbed Chanyeol at his arms and practically tore him into the little café just at the end of the road on campus. There was no escaping.

“Whatcha want? It’s my treat.” Sehun announced but didn’t wait for his friends to tell him their orders. He knew what they wanted anyway. Or what he would’ve wanted if Chanyeol had had an appetite. He hadn’t eaten properly in four days now. At times he wondered if he was overreacting.

Sehun returned with three coffees and three pieces of cakes, setting them down on the table. He and Kyungsoo started to chat about mundane things. Chanyeol tried to participate as much as possible in the conversation to make his friends believe that he really was alright.

It didn’t work.

“Honestly, Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo said after a moment of silence. “Are you really okay?”

Sehun looked at him with worry in his eyes. Chanyeol sighed letting his head fall onto the table. He couldn’t hide it from them. He always wondered if he was close with them but moments like this convinced him that they were. Whenever one of them was feeling down, the others would always notice. They would always care. This is what Baekhyun had wished for. Chanyeol couldn’t just ignore how much his friends cared about him. Maybe it was time to tell them.

“Not sure where to start.” He finally said, his words muffled from his jumper.

“So we were right.” Sehun scoffed earning an angry look from Kyungsoo.

“It’s gonna sound very weird though.” Chanyeol warned his friends.

“Can it really be weirder than Sehun stories?” Kyungsoo joked.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Sehun sounded aghast.

“It probably is to be fair.” Chanyeol said sighing deeply.

He lifted his head but couldn’t look his friends into their eyes when he spoke. “So a couple weeks ago I met Baekhyun and we kinda started talking.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Sehun interrupted him. “Are we talking about Byun Baekhyun here?”

Chanyeol sighed again and nodded.

“What were you doing talking to that prick?” Sehun said grimacing.

“He isn’t…”

“Oh, here we go.” Sehun buried his face in his palm. Kyungsoo slapped his arm, turning to Chanyeol. “And?”

“And then we randomly met again and then not so randomly anymore and we kinda became friends I guess?” Chanyeol had lost all sense of eloquence.

“So when he said ‘See you later’ you actually did see him later?” Sehun was shocked. “And he was the reason you cancelled on a Netflix marathon?”

Chanyeol just nodded.

“And you didn’t tell us that because…?” Now he sounded offended.

“I don’t know.” Chanyeol admitted. “Maybe because it was all so weird.”

He had been fidgeting with his napkin which he had already shredded to smithereens. “It all felt a bit surreal because why the hell would Baekhyun even talk to me, nevertheless, be my friend?”

“It’s not like he’s better than us.” Sehun remarked.

“Maybe.” Chanyeol said. “But still.”

He nervously shifted in his chair biting his lip. How could he explain the next bit in a way that would make his friends understand the situation without revealing any of Baekhyun’s secrets?

“There was a party on Friday, and I had asked him to hang out so he said he would come over afterwards. He was already tipsy when he arrived and then we got drunk together and talked the entire night. At one point our conversation shifted to some… uhm deeper stuff, I guess, and he looked really sad, so I tried to comfort him and he leaned against me and then I hugged him and at some point he just fell asleep. And so did I. And when we woke up it was all really awkward and he left immediately, and he hasn’t replied to my text or spoken to me since.”

He let out a deep breath when he finished. His friends looked at him with surprise in their faces.

“Is this some kind of weird love story?” Sehun asked. Chanyeol’s cheeks turned so red he felt like the heat would make his face explode. He turned his head avoiding his friends’ gazes.

“Oh my god, it is.” Kyungsoo said looking at Chanyeol in disbelief.

“No, it’s not.” Chanyeol said cringing under their attention. “It’s not like he’s ever gonna like me back.”

“That’s definitely not what I expected.” Sehun said leaning back. “How long did you even have a crush on him?”

“A while.” Chanyeol admitted burying his face in his folded arms on the table. He was so embarrassed.

“How many times have you texted him?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Just once.” Chanyeol said. “He hasn’t even opened the message.”

“Maybe try again? Tell him you don’t want things to be awkward?”

“How does that not make it any more awkward?” Chanyeol grimaced even though the other two couldn’t see his face. It was better that way.

“How are you already in advice mode?” Sehun asked Kyungsoo. “I’m still trying to process all of this information.”

He leaned forward holding out his hand to count the facts on his fingers. “How the hell did you become friends with Byun Baekhyun without neither of us knowing? Why the hell do you have a crush on him? What does this guy even have to be sad about? And what the fuck happened when you two got drunk?!”

“Didn’t I just explain all of this?” Chanyeol groaned. “You’re not helping!”

“I’m just so confused.” Sehun leaned back again.

Chanyeol lifted his head. “Look, he’s a good person, despite what you may believe, and we all have things to be sad about. Also, I’m not going to tell you the secrets he trusted me with.”

“They’re already at the secret exchanging phase.” Kyungsoo noted.

It was kind of ironic that that was what had started their friendship. “It doesn’t mean anything.” Chanyeol said frustrated.

“But that means he trusts you so maybe he was just a little embarrassed about what happened. Talking about it could resolve that.”

“And what am I supposed to say? That it was just an accident which is totally fine between friends and nothing weird? Because it is weird, because I do have a crush on him.” Chanyeol felt like he was close to tears.

“And how do you know that he really doesn’t like you back?” Kyungsoo asked.

Chanyeol lifted his head in a sudden motion looking at his friend. “Are you kidding? Why on earth would Byun Baekhyun like _me_?!”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “Because you’re kind and he trusts you to care about him?”

Baekhyun did. Kyungsoo wasn’t wrong. But that wasn’t enough to like someone. Not like this.

“I appreciate your effort, Kyungsoo, but this is hopeless.”

“I agree with Kyungsoo.” Sehun said. “You should try talking to him again. You just sent one message. That’s barely enough to claim that he’s never going to talk to you again.”

“He hasn’t replied in almost a _week_.” Chanyeol noted.

“So?” Sehun asked. “He also needed to write a term paper, you know? Maybe his silence has nothing to do with what happened and he was just super busy. Maybe he has replied while we’re having this surreal conversation.”

“Check your phone.” Kyungsoo said.

Chanyeol didn’t want to. His friends had made him so hopeful that he wasn’t sure he could take the disappointment. Maybe Baekhyun had texted back now that the term paper was handed in.

He reluctantly pulled out his phone. Nothing. Baekhyun still hadn’t read the message.

“Text him again.” Kyungsoo said softly placing his hand on Chanyeol’s arm. He did.

~*~

Christmas had come and gone and Chanyeol had indulged in too much food during the day and had stared at the unanswered messages during the night. He had cried a lot. Had cursed himself for being so dumb and so selfish and for ruining everything.

Kyungsoo and Sehun had checked in on him every day, asking for updates. Sehun had started to curse at Baekhyun but Chanyeol had asked him to stop. He didn’t want anyone talking bad about Baekhyun. Sehun had answered with a vomiting emoji.

Christmas had been a long day of smiling. He was grateful for his family and all the presents, but he hadn’t felt like celebrating at all. He didn’t want to worry them, so he kept it all to himself.

It was the thirtieth of December now and Chanyeol was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. He didn’t feel like doing any of the things he usually looked forward to doing during the holidays. All he could do was think about Baekhyun, his smile, his warmth, the look of embarrassment on his face. He missed him so much.

He had contemplating texting Baekhyun again, but he didn’t. He knew the other wouldn’t answer. He just wished he could at least apologise to him for making it awkward. Baekhyun must’ve realised that Chanyeol liked him. He had joked about Chanyeol’s reaction to him, but now Chanyeol wondered if it had made Baekhyun even more uncomfortable that it had him? And when he woke up in Chanyeol’s arms he must’ve known that it had been deliberate. Baekhyun had only wished for a friend, not someone who had an unrequited crush on him.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw his phone light up. Chanyeol sighed. Probably another of Sehun and Kyungsoo’s pity texts that came in form of either asking if he was okay or trying to be extra goofy to cheer him up. He appreciated their effort.

Chanyeol reached out and grabbed his phone to check his messages.

**Baekhyun  
** _Hey sorry I haven’t talked to you in so long, there had been a lot going on. Can we meet?_

Chanyeol almost dropped his phone onto his face. He jerked up, his heart beating way too fast, his palms sweaty. Would it be too eager to answer immediately? He was so desperate he was past all dignity anyway.

**Chanyeol  
** _When?_

**Baekhyun  
** _Are you back from holidays?_

**Chanyeol  
** _No but my parents live in Seoul anyway_

**Baekhyun  
** _Would it be rude to say now?_

**Chanyeol  
** _No_

**Baekhyun  
** _When can you be here?_

**Chanyeol  
** _An hour?_

**Baekhyun  
** _See you then_

It was already dark out when Chanyeol sat on the train to university. He sat with his head leaned against the window watching the streetlights speed past him in a blur. He was nervous, scared even, but also hopeful. However, he should also be prepared to be disappointed.

The train ride felt like it lasted for much longer than it did but when it arrived at Chanyeol’s destination he kind of wished it would take just a few minutes longer. He steeled himself before getting up and exiting the train. Outside the cold air hit him. It was snowing.

It reminded Chanyeol of Baekhyun standing outside of the arcade hands held out to catch the snow. Chanyeol had been much more fascinated by Baekhyun than by the snow.

Neither of them had to ask where to meet. The bench atop the hill was a fair distance from the subway stop. Chanyeol buried his hands in his coat pockets. He hoped Baekhyun had wrapped up so he wouldn’t be too cold.

Chanyeol rarely went back early to campus during the holidays so seeing it completely empty felt strange to him. Barely any cars stood on the parking space, no laughing students having a snowball fight or hurrying back to the warmth of their dormitories. When he passed the dormitories hardly any rooms were lit. In two days when all the New Year’s parties would be celebrated the campus would be as lively as usual again. Chanyeol was still unsure if he could be part of the celebrations.

The path up the hill was especially slippery due to the snow but long years of practice had taught Chanyeol where to place his feet to get up without slipping. He was a little bit out of breath when he arrived at the top. One half of him wanted to delay meeting Baekhyun, the other couldn’t wait to see him again. The latter half had won judging by the speed of his pace across campus.

When he stepped out of the trees, he saw a familiar figure already sitting on the bench. He had to take a deep breath in.

Baekhyun turned around to smile at him. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Chanyeol answered, his voice sounding weak. “Am I late?”

Baekhyun shook his head. “I was just early.” Then he motioned for Chanyeol to sit beside him.

When Chanyeol sat he couldn’t meet Baekhyun’s eyes. Instead he stared out over the city illuminated by the moonlight and sparkling from the artificial lighting of streetlamps, houses, billboards, and numerous Christmas decorations. It looked beautiful. But the view paled in comparison to the person beside him.

Baekhyun was wearing a big padded jacket that he had wrapped around his legs that were pulled up on the bench. The woollen scarf around his neck rose up to the tip of his nose, a beanie was pulled over his ears. He looked adorable which didn’t help with Chanyeol’s heart already beating way too fast.

“I hope you weren’t busy?” Baekhyun asked.

“No, not at all.” Chanyeol reassured him. He was never busy when it was Baekhyun who asked.

“Good, I’m sorry I just asked you to come here out of nowhere.”

“Don’t be.”

They sat in silence for only a few seconds, but it felt like minutes to Chanyeol. It wasn’t comfortable silence. It was awkward silence.

“Did you have a nice Christmas?” Baekhyun asked eventually. Chanyeol wondered if they would even talk about the last few weeks. He wouldn’t mind if they could just pretend it didn’t happen and casually continue their friendship. He would prefer it actually.

“Yes, I did, thanks. Had way too much food.” He grinned at Baekhyun trying to lighten the atmosphere. “Did you?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “Christmas seems to be the time when everyone fights the most.”

Chanyeol wasn’t sure what to say to that. He didn’t expect anyone to not have a lovely Christmas. But then again, he had spent his agonising over Baekhyun ignoring him, so saying that he had had a nice time was a blatant lie.

“When did you get back?” Chanyeol asked.

“On the twenty-seventh.” Baekhyun said. “Campus was so empty.”

“It still is.” Chanyeol remarked.

“It’s busy now compared to then.” Baekhyun smiled but it didn’t look happy. He looked down at his hands fidgeting with the zipper of his coat. “I wanted to text you then.”

Chanyeol looked at him surprised. What had made him wait?

“I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you in a while, I hope you’re not mad.” Baekhyun continued. “There was just a lot going on with the term papers and all the parties before Christmas and Christmas itself, and then…” He trailed off. “It was all very awkward last time and I feel like I made it even more so by putting off talking to you.”

Chanyeol was so nervous he had to pull his hands out his coat pockets to avoid them becoming sweatier. He was certain his heartbeat was audible. Was Baekhyun apologising to him? Did this mean they could really return to being friends like before? Forget about the awkwardness of that day?

“I’m not mad.” Chanyeol said. He felt like he should be for all this heartache he had gone through in the past weeks. “I’m just…” He couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence. _Relieved you’re still talking to me. Happy to see you._

“I’d deserve it.” Baekhyun said with a pained smile.

“I guess so.” Chanyeol agreed, returning the smile.

Baekhyun looked away, burying himself deeper into his scarf and coat as if he wanted to hide from Chanyeol’s gaze. His voice was soft when he spoke. “What you said was really sweet and I meant it when I said that I don’t deserve you. You endure so much from me every time we hang out and I feel like I could never return all that.”

“That’s not true!” Chanyeol said quickly leaning forward. He regretted his passionate response when he found himself too close to Baekhyun who looked up at him.

“It’s not.” He repeated, leaning back again, his cheeks burning. “I’m not enduring you. In fact, I feel honoured that you trust me.” He was surprised by his own bravery yet again. Even though he couldn’t look at Baekhyun when he continued. “I meant it too when I said I don’t want you to be lonely. I’m happy to be there for you.”

When Chanyeol finally dared to look at Baekhyun again his face was lit up by a genuine smile. Chanyeol was almost certain his eyes were glistening a little bit.

“You really are the best friend I ever had.” Baekhyun said placing a cold hand on Chanyeol’s.

Chanyeol wasn’t sure what to panic over more, the words or the touch. He couldn’t believe Baekhyun genuinely considered him his closest friend. He tried to supress the gnawing disappointment of being _just_ his friend. He should appreciate what he had. That he was allowed to be close to Baekhyun, that he trusted him, and that he could stay by his side.

Then the panic about his touch settled in. Baekhyun’s hand was cold but soft. However, Chanyeol was anxious that Baekhyun could feel how sweaty his palm was due to his nerves.

“Really?” He managed to ask.

Baekhyun hummed in agreement before leaning against Chanyeol and placing his head on his shoulder. Chanyeol’s whole body stiffened. He still wasn’t used to how touchy Baekhyun could be.

“Thanks.” He said for a lack of the proper words to say to express how honoured he felt.

“No, thank _you_.” Baekhyun chuckled. They sat in silence for a while. But this time it was a comfortable one again. Although Chanyeol was still nervous and his heart was still beating fast, he was relieved everything seemed to be back to normal.

“I didn’t mean to stay by the way.” Baekhyun said eventually. “You should’ve just thrown me out.”

“It’s fine.” Chanyeol said. _I wanted you to stay_ , is what he wanted to say. “I hadn’t slept that well in forever.” It was supposed to be a joke to lighten the mood, but he regretted saying it as soon as it left his lips. They had just reached a point where they were back to normal, way to make it awkward again. He might as well just confess his love right here, right now.

Baekhyun lifted his head off of Chanyeol’s shoulder to look at him surprised. “Really?”

Chanyeol tried to avoid his gaze but it was difficult at this proximity. “Uh yeh, I’m a bit of an insomniac sometimes.” He let out a nervous laugh.

“I didn’t know that.” Baekhyun said. Their faces were so close. Chanyeol could see the sparkles in Baekhyun’s eyes and the slight shimmer of his lips. He would only have to lean in a little bit more. Just a few more inches and he could press his lips to Baekhyun’s. Chanyeol stared at his face and Baekhyun looked right back at him. The tension between them felt almost tangible to Chanyeol. But would he dare to…? Would Baekhyun want him to?

But then the moment was gone as Baekhyun replaced his head on Chanyeol shoulder. “I guess company can help with that.”

“It does.” Chanyeol agreed. His voice sounded shaky. There was no way Baekhyun wouldn’t hear how fast his heart was beating. What would he think about Chanyeol?

“So the accidental sleepover wasn’t all that bad.” Baekhyun giggled. Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile at the sound. He wished to hear it every day.

“Not at all.”

“So maybe we should have another one ‘cause I’m incredibly cold right now and wouldn’t mind going somewhere warm.” Baekhyun said wrapping his arms around himself.

Chanyeol wasn’t sure his heart could take _another_ sleepover. But going somewhere warm sounded nice. Now that Baekhyun reminded him of the temperature outside he could feel the cold again. At least his nervousness had kept him warm if nothing else.

“Only if you promise you won’t ignore me for two weeks again.” Chanyeol teased Baekhyun who looked up at him with an exaggerated pout.

“I already apologised, didn’t I?” He whined.

“You did.” Chanyeol agreed smiling at him.

“Can we go to your place again?” Baekhyun asked.

“Isn’t it time you invited me over?” Chanyeol asked just to tease him further. He would love for Baekhyun to come to his place again.

“Yours is closer.” Baekhyun argued.

“Hm just by two buildings. Just admit that you didn’t tidy.”

“Look, I was busy doing other things.” Baekhyun defensively crossed his arms over his chest.

“Like what?” Chanyeol challenged him.

“Like worrying that you were mad at me and what I could say to change that.” Baekhyun admitted.

Baekhyun had really worried about approaching Chanyeol again? He really couldn’t imagine that. But it made his heart jump at how cute that was. And was there a slight blush in Baekhyun’s cheeks?

“I really wasn’t mad.” Chanyeol said softly. “Just…” He wanted to be as honest with Baekhyun as the other always was. But when it came to matters regarding Baekhyun, Chanyeol just couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud.

Baekhyun looked at him shocked. “No, don’t tell me I made you sad.”

Chanyeol just stared at him in silence. He had. Chanyeol hadn’t felt that heartbroken in a very long time.

“Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked cocking his head.

“You said not to tell you.” It was supposed to be funny, but he felt himself blushing. His desperate attempts to turn to humour in an uncomfortable situation really only ended up making him even more uncomfortable. Now he had managed to tell Baekhyun the truth.

Baekhyun groaned burying his face in hands. “I’m so horrible.”

“I’m fine now.” Chanyeol offered. He didn’t want to make Baekhyun feel worse than he already did. Even though he might have deserved it just a little bit.

“Promise?” Baekhyun asked lifting his head out of his hands.

“Promise.” Chanyeol said and he meant it.

~*~

The walk to Chanyeol’s dorm room wasn’t far. Going down the hill was even more slippery than going up but both of them managed to reach the bottom without slipping.

“No wonder no one else ever comes here.” Baekhyun noted jumping down the last bit onto the pavement. Chanyeol had wanted to offer his hand to help him down but the other clearly didn’t need it. Maybe Chanyeol was slightly disappointed.

“It is quite slippery during winter.” Chanyeol agreed.

They walked side by side, with their hands in their pockets, and the snow crunching underneath their feet. Chanyeol really liked the way the snow was illuminated by the streetlights allowing a few sparkles to pierce through the darkness. He enjoyed the cosy feeling a walk home through the snow gave him, knowing that there was a warm tea and blanket waiting for him inside. Having Baekhyun right beside him felt like he was living one of his daydreams during class where they went on dates to build snowmen and drink hot chocolates snuggled up in bed. He had always felt childish and stupid imagining that while staring at Baekhyun in the classroom. This was probably the closest he would ever get to living that dream, but it was more than enough to make him happy.

Chanyeol glanced at Baekhyun walking next to him, his face barely visible because of the huge scarf he was wrapped up in. Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile widely. That’s when he noticed Baekhyun’s teeth chattering.

“Are you that cold?” He asked.

“How are you not?” Baekhyun asked back scrunching his little nose.

“Not too far now.” Chanyeol said and three minutes later they arrived at the dormitory’s front door.

Chanyeol’s room was located on the second floor. He liked having his room higher up. Ground floor views were incredibly boring. Not that the view onto all the other buildings in the street was that much more exciting from higher up. He had wished to look out on a forest or maybe the campus lake, but really what did he expect from university dormitories?

Chanyeol unlocked the door to his room, but upon entering they weren’t met with the warmth they had been looking forward to. Since Chanyeol hadn’t stayed in the dorms in a week and the heating had been turned off, it felt almost as cold as it was outside.

“I will turn the heating on.” Chanyeol announced. “Would you like a tea to warm up?”

“Yes, please.” Baekhyun said, pulling his boots off.

Chanyeol turned the heating on as promised before proceeding to turn the kettle on and taking mugs and tea bags out of the cupboard.

Baekhyun had sat down on the same spot on his bed as he had last time. He was still wearing his scarf and had pulled the sleeves of his oversized jumper over his hands. Chanyeol’s heart was bursting with the desire to wrap him in a blanket and make sure he was warm and happy.

“You can use the blanket.” He said instead, pouring the boiling water into the mugs and a hot water bottle he retrieved from his cupboard. He could at least care for Baekhyun a little bit.

When he carried both the tea and the hot water bottle over to his bed Baekhyun sat wrapped up in his duvet leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. Chanyeol stopped for a second to admire his cuteness, before lifting the blanket and placing the hot water bottle onto Baekhyun’s lap.

Baekhyun opened his eyes, smiling at him widely. “Aww, thanks.” He said hugging the hot water bottle to his body. “So nice and warm.”

Chanyeol also handed Baekhyun one of the tea mugs before climbing under the duvet as well. He still made sure to sit far enough away from Baekhyun, so their legs weren’t touching. He wished he could wrap his arms around the other and cuddle him until they were both warm again.

“This is nice, thanks.” Baekhyun said sipping the tea.

“You’re welcome.” Chanyeol replied. “Are you feeling warmer now?”

“Yes, much better.” Baekhyun smiled at him. “I hate the cold, but I do like how cosy it is when you get back and can warm up.”

“Me too.” Chanyeol agreed being reminded of thinking the exact same thing on the walk back. “Especially when it’s still snowing outside.”

Baekhyun nodded in agreement. “Are you still coming to Junmyeon’s New Year’s party tomorrow by the way?” He then asked.

Chanyeol had decided not to go before Baekhyun had texted him. He hadn’t felt like he belonged there, he still didn’t, and with Baekhyun not talking to him, he had been certain he wouldn’t enjoy the party anyway. Especially since he had known that Baekhyun would definitely attend. But now he not only reconsidered going, he was already fully convinced because it was Baekhyun asking him to come. If it hadn’t been for Sehun coming as well, he would’ve decided that he was a lost cause doing absolutely everything to spend more time in the same room as Baekhyun.

“Yeh, sure.” He said. “What about you?”

“Of course, can’t miss out on that, can I?” Baekhyun grinned. “Your friends are coming too, right?”

“Yeh, Sehun is coming. Kyungsoo has plans with his girlfriend. Don’t tell Junmyeon but Sehun has been way too excited for it ever since he invited him.” Chanyeol had to chuckle at the thought of how Sehun had told Kyungsoo about their invitation and how it would be the best uni party either of them would attend. Kyungsoo had looked at him with a raised eyebrow noting that neither he nor Chanyeol had ever been to one before. Sehun had shrugged telling them that it wasn’t his fault they were such losers. Neither of them mentioned that Sehun wasn’t a regular either. Sehun had also stared at Kyungsoo in shock when he had politely declined the invitation, informing them of his plans to spend the night with his girlfriend.

“That’s cute.” Baekhyun said.

“He had been waiting for that invitation for a while I think.”

“I’ll make sure to discreetly mention to Junmyeon that he should invite him more often.”

“Oh please don’t, he’ll get arrogant thinking he’s part of the cool kids now.” Chanyeol grimaced. “He might not let himself be seen with us losers anymore.”

Baekhyun giggled. “Hey, you aren’t losers.”

“Yeh, we are.” Chanyeol insisted jokingly.

“Does that make me a loser as well then if I’m hanging out with you?” Baekhyun challenged him with a grin.

“Nah, just makes you kind for taking pity on the unfortunate.”

“Stop that.” Baekhyun slapped his arm. “I will not indulge your nonsense.”

Chanyeol had to giggle at Baekhyun’s adorable reaction. “Alright, alright, you win.”

“Good.” Baekhyun said satisfied. He finished his tea before getting up and walking over to the kitchen area and placing his mug on the side. He opened and closed a few of Chanyeol’s cupboards.

“What’re you looking for?” Chanyeol asked him. Even though he still liked how Baekhyun acted like it was as natural to be at Chanyeol’s place than at his own home, he did feel like he should assist Baekhyun in finding whatever he was looking for.

“This.” Baekhyun answered holding up a packet of ramyeon. “Nothing says ‘I’m sorry for being a dick’ quite like making someone food.”

Chanyeol’s heart felt warm at how determined Baekhyun was to make it up to him even though he had already assured him that he hadn’t been mad.

“By making me food from my own cupboard?” Chanyeol joked raising an eyebrow.

“Details.” Baekhyun shrugged before going on a quest to find Chanyeol’s pots.

Chanyeol chuckled. “You want some assistance with that?”

“That’s hardly the point of making someone food.” Baekhyun said looking triumphant as he pulled out the cooking pot. “Besides, I am perfectly capable of making ramyeon by myself.”

He turned the food packet over on the counter. “As long as I stick to the instructions.”

Chanyeol had to giggle at that. He couldn’t think of anyone who still needed to read the instructions on how to do ramyeon. It was ingrained in your brain after the first time you made it.

“If you keep laughing, you’ll owe me ‘I’m sorry for being a dick’-food.” Baekhyun pouted. “Cooking is not something I excel in.”

“So is ramyeon all you eat then?” Chanyeol asked still having trouble to contain his laughter.

Baekhyun had added all the ingredients as the instructions told him to and was now stirring the food in the pot. “The canteen does much better food than you’d expect.”

“It does to be fair.” Chanyeol agreed. “Sounds like I do need to cook for you though.”

“Are you good at cooking then?” Baekhyun asked.

“I try.” Chanyeol said. “Learned a few things from Kyungsoo. He’s really good at it.”

“What would you make me?”

“Whatever you want.”

“I’d like that.” Baekhyun smiled then pulled his lips into a pout. “Will ramyeon then even be good enough for ‘I’m sorry for being a dick’-food?”

Chanyeol nodded. “Aww, it’s the thought that counts.”

“So it isn’t.” Baekhyun said exaggerating his pout.

“No, ramyeon is great, really.” Chanyeol insisted.

“Well it has to be because you’re not getting anything else.” Baekhyun sulked jokingly. “I mean I could try but I’m not sure it would end up being edible.”

“Let’s not risk it.” Chanyeol chuckled standing up from the bed to place his mug into the sink and retrieve bowls and cutlery from the cupboards to set the table.

When the food was done Baekhyun carried the pot over to the dining table as well. “I hope this is enough for you to no longer be mad.” He said smiling at Chanyeol.

“I told you I never was.” Chanyeol said loading the ramyeon into their bowls.

“But you should’ve been, so I’m pretending you were.” Baekhyun stated accepting the bowl that Chanyeol handed him.

Chanyeol shook his head smiling to himself. “Fine, I accept your apology, and thank you for the food.”

Baekhyun smiled at him satisfied before digging into his food. He chewed his noodles with his lips forming a pout, obviously enjoying them. Chanyeol still couldn’t get over how adorable it looked. His heart felt warm because this felt so intimate. Eating the food together that Baekhyun had made for them. And just for this very moment he let himself indulge in the imagination that Baekhyun was his boyfriend and that this was a dinner date they frequently had together, enjoying what they had cooked for each other. If it had been true, he could’ve reached out across the table to hold Baekhyun’s hand while they ate. And when they fell asleep on his bed, limbs tangled, they wouldn’t be embarrassed when they awoke in the morning.

It was a dangerous thought though, so Chanyeol suppressed it again immediately. He felt guilty for having to remind himself that being Baekhyun’s friend was enough. He shouldn’t let his feelings get in the way of their friendship.

They finished their food, spending another few hours talking about the games they played during the holidays, and how Chanyeol’s dog, Toben, had ruined Christmas by chewing open all of the wrapping paper.

“Did you sign up for the winter concert by the way?” Baekhyun asked. The deadline had been during the holidays. Chanyeol had completely forgotten about it due to his heartache but even if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have signed up. He didn’t feel confident enough to perform his music.

Chanyeol shook his head. “Have you?”

“Sure have, but why didn’t you sign up? You promised you would.” Baekhyun said crossing his arms over his chest.

“I never did!” Chanyeol exclaimed.

“Doesn’t matter, but the people deserve to hear your music.”

“I’m not sure ‘the people’ want to hear it.” Chanyeol grimaced.

“I do.” Baekhyun insisted.

“But what if no one else likes it?” Chanyeol asked fidgeting with the chopsticks in his empty bowl. Baekhyun had trusted him with all of his insecurities, so why did he still feel so uncomfortable talking about this?

“Why wouldn’t they?” Baekhyun challenged him. He leaned forward onto the table looking at Chanyeol intensely. “You’re studying music, this is your dream. You shouldn’t waste your talent by worrying what someone else might think of it. There might be a few people who won’t like it, but I’m sure many will. You should put your music out there. It is made to be heard.”

Chanyeol was both surprised at and touched by how passionate Baekhyun seemed to be about this matter. He really cared, and he really believed in Chanyeol to be a good musician despite only hearing one of his songs. Chanyeol’s heart was bursting with love.

Baekhyun grabbed his hand across the table, stopping him from playing with the chopsticks further, and forcing him to look him in the eyes. “Now promise me you definitely will sign up for the winter concert next year. It’s the last one before we graduate.”

Chanyeol sighed, breaking eye contact. “I guess you’re right, but…”

Baekhyun shook their clasped together hands. “Look at me.”

Chanyeol looked up, meeting Baekhyun’s gaze. His heart skipped a beat. There were sparkles in his eyes indicating that this really was important to him, that _Chanyeol_ really was important to him, his eyebrows slightly knit together, showing his frustration with him.

“Now promise me.” Baekhyun repeated.

“I promise.” Chanyeol said. He would do anything Baekhyun asked him to when he was looking at him like this.

Baekhyun smiled widely, satisfied with his work, and squeezed Chanyeol’s hand before letting go and leaning back in his chair. Chanyeol wanted to hold his hand for longer.

“Now there’s no getting out of this.” Baekhyun said and his smile turned into a cheeky grin.

“Yeh, yeh, you win.” Chanyeol said, before grimacing. “How come you always win?”

“’Cause you can’t resist my charm.” Baekhyun joked with an exaggerated smile om his lips, cupping his face in his hands. Where was the lie though?

Chanyeol scoffed. “I’m making this too easy for you.”

“You’re just a sore loser.” Baekhyun grinned. He gasped in pretended shock when Chanyeol threw a napkin at him. “Definitely a sore loser.”

“It was you who claimed I wasn’t a loser.” Chanyeol said shrugging.

“You can’t win an argument by dragging yourself.” Baekhyun chuckled.

“Watch me.” Chanyeol replied.

“Normally losers have to wash the dishes on their own, but I’ll help because I’m nice.” Baekhyun stated gathering the bowls and carrying them up to the sink.

Chanyeol insisted that Baekhyun didn’t have to help, but he didn’t listen. Chanyeol washed the dishes handing them to Baekhyun to dry them. When they finished Baekhyun turned to him and said: “Better get going now. I hope you didn’t plan on going back home?”

It was already 11pm. Good thing he actually hadn’t planned on going back home.

“Nah have to be here tomorrow anyway, don’t I?” Chanyeol smiled.

“True!” Baekhyun walked over to the front door to put his shoes and coat on.

“Oh wait!” Chanyeol exclaimed, retrieving the bag Baekhyun had left the last time he had come over. “You forgot this here last time.”

“Oh, thanks!” Baekhyun said, accepting the bag before pulling his coat close. Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel embarrassed about having kept one of the grocery lists even though it was rather unlikely that Baekhyun would ever realise that it was gone.

“And thanks for having me.” Baekhyun smiled at him. Then he stepped up to Chanyeol, rose onto his tiptoes, and wrapped his arms around him. Chanyeol completely froze when he could feel Baekhyun’s body pressed against him despite the big padded jacket. Their cheeks lightly brushed against each other, and he could feel Baekhyun’s soft hair tickling his neck.

Baekhyun squeezed him tightly before releasing him and stepping back again. Chanyeol’s face was burning, his heart beating so fast. The hug was over too quickly and Chanyeol regretted that he hadn’t gotten the chance to wrap his arms around Baekhyun because he had been too startled.

“I’ll see you tomorrow!” Baekhyun grinned widely, opened the door and stepped out. The door fell close before Chanyeol had regained his composure and could answer.

Standing there staring at the door through which Baekhyun had just left felt like a déjà vu but this time he had a huge, happy grin on his face.

~*~

“Do I look okay?” Chanyeol asked tugging at his white shirt that he wore underneath a denim jacket unsure whether to tug it into the black leather pants or not.

“Why, are you trying to impress anyone?” Sehun asked, a mischievous smile on his face. He knew the answer.

Chanyeol still wasn’t used to his friends knowing about his crush and their teasing about it took him off guard every time. His cheeks flushed as he looked away and tugged at his clothes even more. Then he sighed. “You’re right. Dolling myself up won’t help. As if I could ever impress him.”

Sehun placed an empathetic hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “You never know.” He said but he didn’t object what Chanyeol had said.

Then Sehun slapped Chanyeol’s shoulder hard. “You look great though, Chan. Baekhyun would be a fool not to see that.”

Chanyeol grimaced. He was thankful for Sehun’s kind words even though he didn’t believe them. “Thanks.” He mumbled. “So do you.”

“Thanks.” Sehun grinned at him. As always, he was rather chuffed with his outfit choice. He was wearing a black turtleneck jumper underneath a dark green patterned suit jacket paired with jeans and black boots.

“Are you ready to go then?” Sehun asked and Chanyeol nodded. He still looked in his bathroom mirror one last time fixing his straightened fringe that hadn’t been out of place at all. He decided his shirt looked better tugged into the pants. Chanyeol felt ridiculous for being so nervous. He had met Baekhyun many times now without dressing up so why did he feel like it was important how he looked at the party tonight? He wondered what Baekhyun would look like tonight but when he remembered how he had looked at that other party, Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he was ready to see it.

He sighed and grabbed his coat before following Sehun out of his dorm room. Junmyeon’s room was quite far away from Chanyeol’s dorm so they had to walk through the cold for a few minutes.

It was a clear night. Only a few clouds hung over the sky leaving space for the crescent moon and stars to illuminate the snow bedecked street. The snow sparkled in the light and crunched softly underneath Chanyeol and Sehun’s feet. It was a beautiful night for New Year’s Eve.

“I wonder what fireworks they have prepared.” Sehun sounded excited. He had said these exact words at least ten times in the past few weeks since Junmyeon had invited them. Chanyeol had to chuckle at his friend’s excitement.

“I’m sure it will be amazing.” Chanyeol answered as he had the last ten times.

“Do you think Baekhyun will be already there?” Sehun asked.

“I hope not.” Chanyeol grimaced.

“Liar. He’s the reason you’re here.” Sehun noted. He really didn’t have to say it that directly.

“I probably won’t even get a chance to talk to him. Everyone will want his attention.” The thought of people gathering around Baekhyun, flirting with him, maybe even touching him, made Chanyeol sad. Suddenly he didn’t want to go anymore.

Sehun shook his head chuckling. “Can’t believe you’re one of his crazy fans.”

Chanyeol looked at his friend in shock. “One of his what?”

Sehun laughed out loud. “Of all the people I never would’ve thought that you would fall for Mr. Popular.”

“Neither did I.” Chanyeol grumbled.

“I feel really bad for making fun of him all the time not knowing you were head over heels for him.” Sehun said but his giggle didn’t match up to his words.

Chanyeol should’ve never told his friends about his crush. He had known that the mockery would be endless. And yet he still felt relieved to have shared the secret that he had been keeping for 3 years.

“Ah I can’t wait to see you swoon over him tonight.” Sehun sounded utterly amused.

“I fucking hate you.” Chanyeol said, pushing Sehun to the side to make him stumble. “Shouldn’t you worry about your own love life?”

“Wanna make a bet? Whoever gets to go home with someone wins?” Sehun asked jokingly.

Chanyeol slapped his shoulder hard. “Absolutely not. You’re disgusting and it’s not gonna happen anyway.”

“So I win by default?” Sehun raised an eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t taking someone home be reward enough? Do you have to rejoice at my suffering?” Chanyeol whined.

Sehun placed an arm around Chanyeol’s shoulder, pulling him close. “As Kyungsoo always says: ‘It’ll all work out once you meet the right one for you.’”

Chanyeol just sighed. It’s been three years since he had fallen for Baekhyun. He couldn’t even imagine liking anyone else anymore. Especially not now, that he had gotten to know him more. Everything about Baekhyun was just so perfect to Chanyeol, from his head to his toes, from the way he laughed to the way he had leaned against him when he needed his support. Getting over Baekhyun was impossible to him.

When they arrived at the dormitories Junmyeon was living in, they could already hear the music from outside. Hard electronic bass mixed with melodic vocals. A group of students stood in front of the building, drinks and cigarettes in their hands, and chatted animatedly. They greeted Chanyeol and Sehun even though neither of them knew them.

Junmyeon lived on the second floor but the party seemed to have spread out over the entire dormitory with groups of people drinking and laughing on every floor. Chanyeol had wondered how Junmyeon would throw a party in a tiny dorm room.

When they arrived at the second floor Chanyeol’s question was answered. Not only the door to Junmyeon’s room but also to the ones around stood open with music coming from all of them. Junmyeon’s room served as the dance floor, while the one opposite of it, which belonged to Jongin as the name over the doorbell indicated, inhabited the bar. Not only the rooms but also the hallway was packed with students holding plastic cups.

Junmyeon stood in the hallway talking to a group of students Chanyeol didn’t know. He smiled and stepped out of the circle when he saw Chanyeol and Sehun approach. Junmyeon looked stylish in a red jumper and a black suit jacket hung around his shoulders paired with light denim jeans and his light brown hair styled out of his face.

“I’m glad you came!” He exclaimed pulling Sehun into a hug that clearly came at a surprise to him, leaving him flustered in a way Chanyeol saw his friend very rarely. Chanyeol was surprised when Junmyeon hugged him as well.

“Thanks for inviting us.” Sehun said before holding up the bottle in his hand. “We brought something for the bar.”

“That’s great.” Junmyeon smiled. “Let’s get you two something to drink.”

He led Sehun and Chanyeol through a few groups of chatting people into Jongin’s room. The desk was pulled into the middle of the room, an arrangement of bottles and cups placed on top. A few students stood around the table refilling their drinks and shouting at each other over the loud music.

Chanyeol wondered whether Junmyeon had escorted every new arriving guest to the bar or if they were a special case. Maybe Baekhyun had mentioned Sehun’s excitement to Junmyeon.

“What’re you having?” Junmyeon asked but Chanyeol couldn’t focus on the drinks displayed on the desk. His eyes were busy searching the crowd for a familiar face but much to his disappointment he couldn’t spot Baekhyun anywhere. Maybe it was better that way.

“Do you have Gin and Tonic?” Sehun asked which Junmyeon confirmed.

“And you?” He asked Chanyeol, tearing him out of his thoughts.

“Uhm vodka lemonade, please.” Chanyeol answered.

Junmyeon poured their drinks before handing them to them so they could all clink their cups together in a toast. “Enjoy the party and let me know if you need anything.” Junmyeon said before leaving to talk to another group of guests who had apparently just arrived.

“Are his parties always so huge or do you think New Year’s is a particularly big event?” Chanyeol asked his friend looking around the room filled with people. Chanyeol couldn’t even imagine knowing that many people. No wonder Baekhyun found these parties draining.

“New Year’s is probably particularly big but he’s friends with a fair amount of people from other faculties.” Sehun answered sipping his drink.

“We really are losers, huh?” Chanyeol joked taking a sip from his own drink. It was a good mixture, not too strong but also strong enough that Chanyeol could feel the alcohol go straight to his head. If what Sehun said was true and Baekhyun did tend to make out with people at the parties Chanyeol would have to get decently drunk to survive that sight.

“Speak for yourself.” Sehun remarked. Then he looked around the room as if searching for someone. “Have you seen him already?”

“I feel like you’re more excited to see him than I am.” Chanyeol noted dreading for Sehun to find Baekhyun in the crowd.

“Told you I’m excited to see you swoon.” Sehun giggled. “Let’s check the other rooms.”

Sehun dragged Chanyeol away from the bar and across the hallway into Junmyeon’s room which served as the dancefloor. The music was the loudest in this room and Chanyeol could feel the pounding of the bass in his chest. Students were dancing in groups or pairs, swinging their hips and lacing their arms around each other. A few were making out.

“Do you reckon they’re couples or just really quick?” Sehun asked with a giggle.

“Hopefully couples.” Chanyeol said though he found it amusing. He had never been to one of the student parties before but people already making out at the beginning of the night was exactly how he had pictured it. He definitely wouldn’t mind leaving the party early if he got to make out with Baekhyun. Not that that would ever happen, so he tried to suppress that thought from his mind.

They didn’t see Baekhyun in this room either but Sehun found Jongin holding the tablet that was connected to the speakers. He was probably adding more songs to the queue. The two started a conversation which required them to shout into each other ears. Chanyeol couldn’t hear a single thing so he just kept sipping at his drink. He felt out of place, not knowing what to do at a party like this, not really knowing anyone except for Sehun. And Baekhyun. He wondered if maybe it had been a bad idea to come after all.

Chanyeol decided he needed another drink. He needed to be significantly more drunk to maybe feel less awkward around the strangers.

He didn’t bother notifying Sehun about his departure. He planned on coming straight back after fetching another drink and he didn’t expect Sehun and Jongin’s conversation to be over by then.

He wandered back into the hallway spotting Minseok and Jongdae playing beer pong. They cheered when Minseok’s ball landed in one of their opponent’s cups. Junmyeon didn’t seem to be in the hallway anymore.

Chanyeol went back into Jongin’s room which was a lot less busy now until everyone would come back to get another drink. He was relieved to find the room less crowded.

He put down his cup and reached for the vodka to pour himself another drink. Chanyeol heard a larger group enter the room, making it more crowded and loud again. That had been a very short relief.

“Please may I have one vodka energy?” A familiar voice asked and Chanyeol’s head shot up. His eyes met Baekhyun’s and his breath hitched in his chest. Baekhyun looked gorgeous with his brown hair parted in the middle but still falling into eyes which were accented with a dark eyeshadow. His shimmering lips were drawn into one of the cheeky smiles that made Chanyeol’s knees weak. He was wearing a dark turtleneck underneath a white mesh top and a black jacket with yellow accents that had slid down his left shoulder. Multiple necklaces hung around his neck. He had paired that with black skinny jeans and boots. As predicted Chanyeol had not been ready for how breath-taking he looked.

“Sure.” Chanyeol mumbled picking up the cup Baekhyun had placed on the table. His heart was beating in his chest and he suddenly feared messing up Baekhyun’s drink because of his nervousness. But he was also glad that he could focus on the bottles in front of him and didn’t have to look him into the eyes. He wasn’t sure he could stop himself from staring then.

“Baekhyun, we should go dancing when you have your drink.” A petite pretty girl with long black hair and red lips said. Out of the corner of his eye Chanyeol could see that she placed a small hand on his chest.

Jealousy burned in Chanyeol’s chest. Rationally he knew there was no reason to, but he immediately disliked the girl. He remembered Sehun’s words about being one of Baekhyun’s fans and he wondered if this girl felt just like him when someone else spoke to Baekhyun.

“He already agreed to playing beer pong with us.” A guy standing behind Baekhyun exclaimed. He was tall and handsome but Chanyeol was a few inches taller than him he noted with satisfaction.

“Beer pong is lame.” Another girl whined. “Let’s play something fun instead.”

“Like what?” A smaller boy asked annoyed.

“Spin the bottle?” The girl grinned. Chanyeol was surprised that people still played that after turning eighteen.

“We’re not in high school anymore.” The boy complained. “Besides, Baekhyun will never kiss you.”

The girl clenched her jaw in anger before spitting back: “He won’t ever kiss you either.” She crossed her arms satisfied when the boy’s cheeks flushed a bright pink that was visible despite the dimmed lights in the room. He mumbled something, visibly embarrassed, but didn’t continue the argument.

Chanyeol poured the energy drink into the vodka in Baekhyun’s cup, hoping he had made a decent drink for him. He looked up to hand Baekhyun his drink. Chanyeol’s heart jumped when their eyes met again even though he was prepared for the sight.

Baekhyun reached out to accept his drink and his fingertips ever so slightly brushed Chanyeol’s in the process.

“Thanks.” He said and winked at him, before turning around and leading his followers to the dance floor. Chanyeol was frozen to the spot, his cheeks flushed from the interaction, his chest burning with jealousy that the flirty girl had won. He wished he could dance with Baekhyun as well.

Chanyeol grabbed his own drink and gulped down half of it, trying to wash away the image in his head of Baekhyun’s arms wrapped around his neck, Chanyeol’s hands on his waist, pulling him close as they swayed side to side, and ending up passionately making out like the couple Chanyeol had seen on the dancefloor earlier.

~*~

It was half past eleven when Chanyeol saw Baekhyun again. Only thirty minutes left until Sehun would get the fireworks he had been waiting for for weeks.

Chanyeol had left Sehun again to look for an unoccupied toilet when he saw Baekhyun standing in the hallway surrounded by a large group of people, each one of them begging for his attention.

Despite knowing that it would be this way Chanyeol had still hoped that he would get the chance to speak to Baekhyun properly. Especially now that midnight was nearing. In his mind he had made up a scenario in which he managed to stand near Baekhyun during the fireworks to be able to see his reaction to them. He wanted to see the colourful lights reflect in his eyes as he looked up into the sky smiling widely. But with the size of the groups surrounding him constantly it seemed unlikely to happen.

When he exited the bar room Baekhyun turned and their gazes met. Chanyeol halted to a stop immediately much to the annoyance of a girl walking behind him.

Baekhyun smiled at him and lifted the phone in his hand shaking it a little bit indicating for Chanyeol to check his. Then he turned back and focussed on talking to the people around him again. They all looked just as eager to talk to Baekhyun like Chanyeol felt, hanging on his every word as if it was the most important thing anyone had ever told them.

Chanyeol couldn’t help but smile widely as he hurried away into the dancefloor room. He stopped at the entrance, joining the inevitable queue for the toilet after all. But he didn’t mind waiting anymore as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, excited to read Baekhyun’s message. Did he want to find a way to talk properly after all? Chanyeol unlocked his phone.

**Baekhyun  
** _Meet me at quarter to?_

Chanyeol’s heart jumped in his chest. Baekhyun really wanted to see him. He could’ve just walked up to him in the hallway but then they wouldn’t have been able to talk without being interrupted. Baekhyun was probably feeling drained from all the people wanting his attention again.

**Chanyeol  
** _Where?_

**Baekhyun  
** _Where we always meet of course_

Where they…? Was Baekhyun talking about the hill? But that was a good fifteen-minute walk from where Junmyeon’s dorm was. They would miss the fireworks. Chanyeol checked the time on his phone. 11.35pm. He would have to leave now if he wanted to make it in time, but it was the exact moment that it was his turn to go to the bathroom. He would have to run.

When he exited the bathroom and walked out into the hallway again, he saw that Baekhyun was no longer there. He quickly stepped into the bar room to fetch his coat. He contemplated telling Sehun where he was going but there was no time. Additionally, he saw that Sehun was immersed in a conversation with Junmyeon. Even from a distance he could see Sehun’s eyes sparkle at whatever the other man was telling him.

Chanyeol smiled, deciding that Sehun was in good company for when the clock hit midnight, and hurried down the stairs.

“Has anyone seen Baekhyun?” A guy asked on the first floor. “He still hasn’t played beer pong with us.”

“No.” One of the girls he was talking to answered. “We’ve been looking for him as well.”

“I was really hoping for a New Year’s kiss from him” The other one sighed.

Now Chanyeol didn’t feel jealous. His grin grew wider as he heard them talk about looking for Baekhyun. Everyone wanted to be with him, but he was about to meet Chanyeol in a place a few minutes away from here.

Chanyeol’s heart beat in his chest and it wasn’t just because he was running along the pavement. He clutched his phone in his hand, periodically checking the time to see if he was still in time or not. It was 11.46pm when he reached the bottom of the hill. He climbed up careful not to slip in the snow. When he reached the top and walked the few steps through the trees, his cheeks were flushed from the cold and his excitement.

“You’re late.” Baekhyun said turning around from where he had been looking up at the crescent moon. He pulled his padded jacket close over his chest. Chanyeol hadn’t paid attention to the beauty of the night sky on his run here and he certainly didn’t now, not when the most stunning beauty in the form of Baekhyun was right in front of him.

“Sorry, I tried not to.” Chanyeol apologised, only then noticing how out of breath he was.

“Did you run?” Baekhyun asked with an amused smile on his lips.

“Uhm… yeh.” Chanyeol stammered, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. The heat inside his body clashing with a cold of the night, mixed with alcohol and the rush he got from seeing Baekhyun made him feel slightly dizzy. Maybe he shouldn’t have drowned his heartache and jealousy in alcohol as much.

“Cute.” Baekhyun said with a smile and turned around to face the panoramic view over the city again. Chanyeol wished Baekhyun would stop calling him that because it did things to his heart that didn’t feel normal.

“Come here.” Baekhyun told Chanyeol then and he obeyed, stepping forward to stand next to Baekhyun.

“So what do you think about your first real student party?” Baekhyun grinned, looking up at him. Chanyeol could detect the light shimmer of alcohol in his eyes and he felt relieved he wasn’t the only one who was tipsy.

“It’s exactly how I imagined it.” Chanyeol said with a chuckle.

“Loud and filthy?” Baekhyun asked.

Chanyeol had to laugh at that. “Exactly that.”

“Thanks for coming, those people were driving me crazy.” Baekhyun sighed.

“Must be exhausting if what I heard goes on for the entire evening.” Chanyeol agreed.

“Pretty much.” Baekhyun grimaced. “It was an ordeal to escape them.”

“But you made it.” Chanyeol grinned.

“And even in time. Unlike you.” Baekhyun teased him.

They stood in silence for a while, breathing in the cold air, and looking over the city basking in lights. In the distance Chanyeol could hear music and people shouting. Everyone was getting ready for the countdown.

“Do you feel better now?” Chanyeol asked softly.

“I do, thanks.” Baekhyun answered with a smile.

“Wanna go back then?” Chanyeol gestured towards the way they had come from.

“Back?” Baekhyun asked with a look in his eyes Chanyeol couldn’t read.

“To watch the fireworks with the others?” They would miss it if they didn’t hurry back. Even though of course he would rather stay here, alone with Baekhyun. So he could see the colours of the fireworks reflect in his eyes.

“I’d rather watch them here.” Baekhyun said.

“Me too.” Chanyeol said before he could stop himself.

Baekhyun pulled his phone out of his coat pocket. “Two more minutes.”

Chanyeol couldn’t describe the feeling in his chest as he stood next to Baekhyun waiting for the two minutes to pass, waiting for the new year. Never in the three years he had liked Baekhyun had he ever imagined that he would spend the last minutes of a year with him, and the first minutes of the new one. He decided that this year had been his favourite one so far. He couldn’t help the pessimistic thought creeping into his mind that starting the year by looking at the person he loved, who would never love him back, his year could only go downhill from here. How could anything top this?

As the clock hit one minute to midnight, Chanyeol felt a small and rather cold hand brush against his fingers. He caught his breath, his hand cramping up in the position he had held it. His heart was racing, the blood rushing in his ears, and he wondered if the alcohol made him imagine the hand now pressing against his own. Their fingers interlacing.

Chanyeol had been staring at Baekhyun out of the corner of his eye, but now he couldn’t refrain himself from turning his head to look at him properly. The moonlight that was caressing his features made him look ethereal as he looked over the city in front of them. There was a soft smile on his lips and Chanyeol could’ve sworn he wasn’t imagining the light pink shimmer in his cheeks.

It was then that the clock turned to midnight and the fireworks shot up into the sky, where they exploded into specks of colour. Green, purple, red, orange, white. Chanyeol could make out all the colours reflecting in the deep brown of Baekhyun’s eyes. One explosion after the other.

Baekhyun was smiling, watching the fireworks in awe. He loved them and Chanyeol loved him. And with their fingers interlaced and Chanyeol’s heart beating faster than it should he felt like he was the happiest man alive.

Multiple fireworks exploded at the same time lighting up the sky in every colour and Baekhyun’s smile grew even wider.

“So beautiful.” Baekhyun said softly, his eyes lighting up with a green firework.

“Indeed.” Chanyeol agreed but he wasn’t talking about the fireworks. This was even better than what he had hoped for when the party had started.

Baekhyun turned to the side meeting Chanyeol’s gaze. He felt embarrassed, his cheeks flushed, that Baekhyun had caught him staring at him, but he couldn’t look away.

“Happy New Year, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s voice was so soft Chanyeol only dared to whisper when he answered.

“Happy New Year, Baekhyun.”

They stood close looking into each other’s eyes for a while. Their hands were still interlaced, the fireworks exploding in the background. Chanyeol could still see their colour in Baekhyun’s eyes. Green. Red.

The sight was so beautiful it almost hurt Chanyeol. It was so captivating he couldn’t look away even if he tried.

Baekhyun let go of his hand and Chanyeol mourned the warmth of their palms pressed together even though Baekhyun’s hand had been cold.

But then Baekhyun reached up, lifting onto his tiptoes, and cupped Chanyeol’s face in his hands. He was so close, so unbearably close. Chanyeol couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move. His heartbeat was louder than the firework exploding in the sky. Red reflected in Baekhyun’s eyes.

And then Baekhyun pulled Chanyeol’s head down and closed his eyes, pressing their lips together. Baekhyun’s lips felt even softer than Chanyeol could have ever imagined. They tasted sweet, of the energy drink in Baekhyun’s drink and the artificial strawberry of his lip tint.

If he hadn’t been frozen in shock, Chanyeol’s knees would’ve given way under the sheer emotions he felt. A tingle shot down his spine, a feeling of indescribable happiness of finally, finally feeling what he had wished for for years. The pressure of Baekhyun’s hands on his cheeks and his lips against Chanyeol’s felt so surreal, so beyond anything that could be reality.

Their kiss broke apart and Baekhyun opened his eyes to look at Chanyeol. And Chanyeol stared back at him, this time unashamed of the adoration in his eyes, the love.

Baekhyun smiled at him widely, before leaning in again and pressing their lips together for a second time. This time Chanyeol awoke from his rigour and wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s waist pulling him infinitely closer. He held onto him as if he would disappear if he let go because that was what Chanyeol felt like. Like he would wake up in his bed, alone.

And so he kissed Baekhyun with all the passion, all the love he had kept buried in his heart for three years. Letting it all out like an exploding firework. Bright and red.

They broke apart again, opening their eyes to look at each other, lips red and out of breath. Chanyeol was convinced that Baekhyun was the most beautiful and angelic thing on this planet, and he got to share this moment with him. How could he ever be good enough for Baekhyun?

“I’m glad we made it in time.” Baekhyun said softly, smiling.

“Me too.” Chanyeol whispered, his voice shaking.

The fireworks had died down, the large impressive ones were all used up after a few minutes past midnight. Only a few smaller lights illuminated the streets below them. The distant music and celebrations returned to Chanyeol’s ears.

“I also don’t really feel like going back.” Baekhyun said, looking at him intensely. “Do you?”

Chanyeol shook his head, still not trusting his voice to produce anything more than a whisper.

“Will you let me invite myself to your place again?” Baekhyun asked with a wide grin on his flushed lips.

“Always.”

~*~

The walk back to Chanyeol’s dorm room was filled with soft words, shy glances, and hesitant touches of their fingers brushing against each other. Chanyeol’s cheeks hurt from the wide grin that hadn’t left his face since their kiss. His heart was still pounding in his chest, threatening to explode from all of the happiness.

He looked to the side, watching Baekhyun walk next to him, a smile on those soft lips and streetlights sparkling in his eyes. Their hands brushed together again, but this time Baekhyun interlaced their fingers again. He met Chanyeol’s eyes, a soft pink tinge in his cheeks.

Chanyeol bit down hard on his lip, the pain reassuring him that this was actually real. That Baekhyun was actually holding his hand, that they had kissed. He couldn’t wait to feel Baekhyun’s soft lips on his again.

When they arrived at the front door, Chanyeol struggled to unlock it with one hand, unwilling to let go of Baekhyun. They did however have to reluctantly part their hands to take off their coats and shoes.

Chanyeol cringed at the state of his dorm room. His wardrobe still stood open; clothes scattered across the floor. The remnants of his endeavour to look as good as possible. He had to smile at the thought that maybe impressing Baekhyun hadn’t been as hopeless as he had thought it was.

“Sorry about the mess.” Chanyeol mumbled trying his best to shove the pile of clothes into the wardrobe before Baekhyun could see the extent of the mess.

Baekhyun chuckled eyeing the scattered clothing as he walked over to sit on Chanyeol’s bed as he had done before. “Were you trying to impress someone?” He asked with a mischievous smile on his lips, crossing his legs on the bed.

“Uhm maybe.” Chanyeol answered his cheeks red in embarrassment.

“I think you chose well.” Baekhyun said looking him up and down in a way that made Chanyeol’s heart skip a beat.

“Thanks.” He said, flushing even deeper. “So did you.”

“Thanks.” Baekhyun answered. “I thought you would like it.”

“Did you?” Chanyeol asked choking on his words. Flirty Baekhyun made him so weak.

“Hmm.” Baekhyun hummed. “You liked the one I wore last time, didn’t you?”

“Uh yeh, it uhm looked nice.” Chanyeol stuttered, avoiding Baekhyun’s eyes. How did he know? Had Chanyeol been that obvious? He was so embarrassed and for a brief moment he panicked, wondering if he had been inappropriate. But Baekhyun didn’t seem to mind his attraction, he even seemed to enjoy it. He had kissed Chanyeol after all, so why was he still panicking about having done something wrong? Chanyeol felt ridiculous for worrying, but it seemed too surreal, not having to do it.

Baekhyun chuckled softly at Chanyeol’s embarrassment and patted the spot next to him on the bed. “Come here.”

Chanyeol felt even more embarrassed at how awkwardly he had been standing around. He timidly sat down next to Baekhyun, unsure of how close he was allowed to be. But when he sat down, Baekhyun immediately scooted closer to him, so close that he rested one knee on Chanyeol’s legs. Their faces and chests were mere centimetres apart from each other.

In the dim light Baekhyun’s skin looked like porcelain, his eyes dark. He didn’t move, just stared at him, so it was Chanyeol who dared to lift his hand to gently run his fingers over Baekhyun’s soft cheek, staring at him in awe.

“You’re so beautiful.” He said before he could stop himself. But he was glad he didn’t when he saw the smile on Baekhyun’s lips right before he gently pressed them to Chanyeol’s.

And again, a whirlwind of emotions shot through Chanyeol, making his head spin. He felt like he was transcending into another realm where time didn’t exist, where it was only Baekhyun and him, their lips moving against each other. Soft and hesitant, and then passionate and full of longing.

Chanyeol’s arms were wrapped around Baekhyun’s waist pulling him so close that Baekhyun was now sitting in his lap. Baekhyun’s fingers were buried in Chanyeol’s hair, holding his head in place as he merged their lips together.

Chanyeol leaned back, pulling Baekhyun with him until the other was lying on top of him. Their kiss didn’t break, their lips finding each other again and again.

Only when they were panting breathlessly, they broke apart, just enough to look each other in eye. Then they started giggling softly. Chanyeol shook his head in disbelief. “Am I really not dreaming?”

“Nope.” Baekhyun said grinning. “I really should’ve done this sooner.”

“Yeh.” Chanyeol agreed.

Then Baekhyun’s face became more serious. “I was so sure you liked me, but I was worried about risking our friendship.”

“How did you know?” Chanyeol asked, feeling embarrassed at how obvious he had been despite his efforts to conceal his feelings.

“From the way you looked at me when I came here the first time.” Baekhyun said, tracing the outlines of Chanyeol’s face with his fingertips. “And the way you reacted when I came close to you and touched you.” Baekhyun ran his fingers down Chanyeol’s chest, imitating the touch he was talking about, when he had reenacted what one of their classmates had said to him.

“And when you said you wanted to make sure that I’m never lonely again and you held me in your arms, I wanted to believe you so badly. I wondered if you really were obvious about liking me or if I just interpreted your behaviour that way because that’s what I wanted you to feel.” Baekhyun continued in a soft voice. He avoided Chanyeol’s gaze by fidgeting around with one of the buttons on Chanyeol’s shirt.

“And that’s when I realised that maybe that meant that I liked you too, but that scared me because I had no idea what liking someone was like. I spent weeks trying to figure out if it was true or not. Weeks in which I didn’t dare seeing you because I was afraid that that would only confirm what I already knew to be true. And when I accepted the truth, I wasn’t even sure if you would still want to see me.” He sighed deeply lowering his head onto Chanyeol’s shoulder, before lifting it up again and looking him in the eyes.

“So that’s the real reason I didn’t talk to you for so long and I’m still sorry.” Baekhyun said softly.

“I told you, I wasn’t mad.” Chanyeol said softly, brushing a few strands of hair out of Baekhyun’s face. He struggled to take the information in, his head spinning in confusion, his heart thumping against his ribs. Baekhyun actually liked him back? Maybe it was a dream after all.

“At least I was subtle enough to keep my secret for a little while.” He joked, grimacing in embarrassment.

Baekhyun cocked his head questioning. He seemed relieved that Chanyeol tried to lighten the mood again. “What do you mean?”

“You said you only noticed the night you came over for the first time.” Chanyeol reminded him.

“Yes?” Baekhyun confirmed.

“I’ve liked you much longer than that.” Chanyeol confessed, his cheeks burning up.

“Since when?” Baekhyun asked staring at him intently.

“Since the winter concert in the first semester. You sang and played the piano looking like an actual angel.” Chanyeol said, fondly remembering how he had watched Baekhyun from the audience, his heart aching with longing.

Baekhyun looked shocked. “But that was…” He trailed off.

“Three years ago?” Chanyeol helped, wincing at the reality of how long he had been in love with Baekhyun.

“…and before we even knew each other.” Baekhyun said with wide eyes.

“Before you knew me.” Chanyeol corrected.

“So all this time…?” Baekhyun asked still in disbelief.

“All this time.” Chanyeol confirmed with a sigh, his flush deepening. “I’ve been waiting to kiss you for three years.”

“I had no idea.” Baekhyun said.

“Well, you weren’t supposed to.” Chanyeol said grimacing.

His joke jerked Baekhyun out of his rigour and he giggled softly before pressing a kiss to Chanyeol’s lips. “Your heart is beating so fast.” He noted.

“I just confessed my three-year long love, what do you expect?” Chanyeol said and then felt a new flush of heat rise to his cheeks as he realised what he had just said. Saying he _loved_ him was so different to saying he liked him. But it was true, Chanyeol did love Baekhyun.

Baekhyun grinned at him, pinching his red cheeks. “You’re so cute when you blush.”

“No, this is so embarrassing!” Chanyeol complained trying to bury his face in his hands to avoid Baekhyun’s eyes. But the other gently pushed his hands to the side. He placed a kiss on each of Chanyeol’s cheeks. “Cute.”

Then he scooted lower to lay his head on Chanyeol’s chest, his ear right over his heart. “I listened to it beat this fast last time you held me like this.”

“I really was super obvious, wasn’t I?” Chanyeol whined.

Baekhyun chuckled. “I like it.”

“Do you?”

Baekhyun lifted his head, grinning at him cheekily. “I like that I can make you that nervous.”

“You’re so cruel.” Chanyeol said shocked, then they both started laughing. They laughed to relief the tension of their confessions, because of the raw and untamed happiness in their hearts, and because of how wonderful it was to share this moment.

They laughed so hard that Baekhyun rolled off of Chanyeol to lie next to him, his hand clutching his belly. Chanyeol wondered if he would get to hear Baekhyun’s beautiful laugh every day now.

When their laughter slowly softened to wide smiles, they turned on their sides to face each other again, staring into each other’s eyes for a while, before Chanyeol wrapped his arm around Baekhyun’s waist to pull him even closer. He only had to lean in a little to merge their lips together again. Feeling Baekhyun’s soft lips on his and his small hand tangled in his hair, send shivers down Chanyeol’s spine. They shared a slow and deep kiss. It didn’t have any of the shyness of their first kiss, nor the hastiness of the one they shared before. It was passionate but sensual, filled with tender love.

When they separated again, Baekhyun’s cheeks and lips were flushed, his eyes sparkled in the dim light.

“You’re so gorgeous.” Chanyeol said softly.

“So are you.” Baekhyun said, caressing Chanyeol’s cheekbone with his thumb.

“Really?” Chanyeol asked taken aback. He couldn’t believe Baekhyun really saw him that way.

But Baekhyun nodded in agreement. “Really.”

“Thanks.” Chanyeol smiled widely. He still felt like he was dreaming. “You have no idea how many times I wished I could tell you this.”

Baekhyun’s expression became pensive as he looked at Chanyeol before asking: “How come you never talked to me?”

“I didn’t dare to.” Chanyeol answered truthfully.

“But three years is such a long time.” Baekhyun noted.

Chanyeol chuckled softly, his heartache of the past three years seeming so distant now that Baekhyun was finally in his arms. “A very long time to admire someone from afar.”

“What would you have done if we hadn’t met coincidentally?” Baekhyun asked, concern in his voice.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? But didn’t you want to talk to me at all?”

“All the time.” Chanyeol admitted. “But I was too scared.”

“Why?” Baekhyun asked, genuine disbelief written over his face.

“Because you’re… you and I was just one of many people who liked you.” Chanyeol explained. “And in what world would you ever like someone like me?”

Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol with wide eyes as if he had just realised something. “You said something similar when we talked about love before.” Chanyeol still remembered that conversation well. He had told Baekhyun about his unrequited love, the pain that came with the longing for the person he loved, and how he didn’t feel like he was good enough.

Chanyeol smiled. “Yeh, I was talking about you.”

Baekhyun looked at him in shock. “Really? Does that mean…?”

Chanyeol nodded, knowing what Baekhyun meant without him saying it. “Yes, I wrote that song about you.”

He could see tears sparkling in Baekhyun’s eyes. “I like you in this world, and in every other.” Baekhyun said before kissing Chanyeol again.

Later that night, after they had brushed their teeth together and undressed for bed, Baekhyun already asleep in his arms, Chanyeol reached for his phone to take a picture of Baekhyun’s discarded clothes on the floor. He sent it to Sehun before lying back down and pulling Baekhyun into a tight embrace. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to feel the soft skin of Baekhyun’s back against his chest. Chanyeol breathed in Baekhyun’s smell before placing soft kisses on the back of his head. Then he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face.

**Chanyeol  
** _I think I’ve won your bet_

~*~

Three weeks later Chanyeol stood in his dorm room, looking down at Baekhyun, who was balancing on his tip toes to straighten Chanyeol’s collar and fix his hair. When he was satisfied with the finished product, he placed his hands on either side of Chanyeol’s face, grinning at him widely.

“You look beautiful.” Baekhyun said, which coloured Chanyeol’s cheeks a soft pink. He still wasn’t used to being complimented by the other. He was wearing his best black shirt and black jeans, his hair straightened and styled to perfection by Baekhyun.

“Says you.” Chanyeol replied, placing a kiss on Baekhyun’s lips. Baekhyun wore a matching black shirt and black jeans, his hair was parted in the middle, and much like Chanyeol’s own, styled to perfection.

“Are we ready then?” Baekhyun asked, his eyes sparkling in excitement.

“Not sure I am.” Chanyeol laughed nervously. He had been nervous since the previous evening and now it was getting worse and worse. Baekhyun had tried his best to distract him with funny films and cuddles and kisses, but whenever the distraction had worn off for a second Chanyeol had started worrying again.

“It’s gonna be fine, I promise.” Baekhyun reassured him. “More than fine. It’s gonna be amazing, I’m sure.”

“Then I’ll trust you.” Chanyeol smiled.

“Good!” Baekhyun placed another kiss on Chanyeol’s lips before turning to his desk and picking up a black notepad that lay on top of it. “Shall we take this?”

“That’s not the right…” Chanyeol started, panic creeping up in him when he saw a small piece of paper slip out from in between the pages, slowly falling to the ground. “One…” He finished, eyes wide. His heart was pounding in embarrassment.

Baekhyun looked at him questioning before reaching down to pick up the piece of paper on the ground. Chanyeol also hurried to pick it up and their hands collided above it.

“What is that?” Baekhyun asked, obviously confused by Chanyeol’s panicked reaction. He managed to get hold of the paper before Chanyeol and turned it around to read it.

“Orange juice, strawberries, peppers.” Baekhyun read. “What’s so special about a shopping list?” Then his eyes widened in realisation. “Wait, that is my hand-writing.”

Chanyeol buried his face in his hands to avoid Baekhyun’s gaze. He was so embarrassed, he wished the ground would swallow him whole. As if he hadn’t been nervous enough today already. “Can we please pretend this never happened?” He asked, the pain evident in his voice.

Baekhyun was still very confused, staring at the little doodle of a dog. “Where did this come from?”

“I may or may not have kept it when you forgot your bag here.” Chanyeol admitted, sinking down to the ground further as if it would become more willing to engulf him, if he was just a little closer.

“Why?” Baekhyun asked. “It’s just a shopping list.”

“Maybe I just wanted to have something of you?” Chanyeol was now in an almost fetal position.

“Aww.” Baekhyun leaned forward to wrap his arms around Chanyeol and press a kiss to the back of his head. “That’s so cute.”

“It’s creepy and embarrassing.” Chanyeol objected.

Baekhyun giggled and got up, taking a pen from the desk, to write Chanyeol’s name in a heart on the back of the shopping list, before replacing it in the notepad. “You really are the cutest.”

Chanyeol had stood up again as well to step behind Baekhyun and wrap his arms around his waist, burying his face in the nape of his neck. “I’m so embarrassed.”

Baekhyun turned around in Chanyeol’s embrace, to wrap his arms around his neck. “Don’t be.” He said. “I think it’s cute and your opinion on this doesn’t matter.”

Chanyeol chuckled before kissing Baekhyun. “Okay, I’m relieved.”

“So which one is the right one?” Baekhyun asked.

Chanyeol grabbed an identical black notepad from the other side of the desk. “This one.”

“Are we ready then?” Baekhyun asked again.

“Not sure I can take any more embarrassment today.” Chanyeol grumbled making Baekhyun laugh.

“There won’t be any more, I promise.” He said.

The walk to the main hall of their university was filled with pounding hearts and soft reassurances. Chanyeol held onto Baekhyun’s hand tightly as they followed the snow bedecked path. It was a beautiful evening. The air was cold and crisp, the sky clear with many stars illuminating the dark. Students hurried out of their dorms with the same destination as Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

Chanyeol drew in deep breaths, the chill of the fresh air helping to clear his mind. It didn’t help in calming his nerves, however.

Arriving at the main hall, they joined their friends in one of middle rows. Kyungsoo and Jongdae had brought their girlfriends, who turned out to know each other from a mutual friend, and were laughing about how small the world was. Sehun sat next to Junmyeon with whom he was deep into a conversation. Chanyeol had to smile at the sparkles in Sehun eyes because of something he was telling Junmyeon with wild gestures. Kai, Minseok, and Yixing sat on the other side of the two empty seats reserved for Chanyeol and Baekhyun, playing around on Minseok’s new camera.

“Hey, everyone!” Baekhyun greeted their friends excitedly. Chanyeol waved at them awkwardly when everyone returned the greeting.

When they had sat down, Sehun turned to Chanyeol, placing a hand on his shoulder and smiling widely. “How are we doing, Chan?”

“Nervous, but good.” He replied, reciprocating the smile.

“I think you’ll be fine with the love of your life right next to you.” Sehun said in lower tone, so the others wouldn’t hear.

Chanyeol flushed, slapping Sehun’s arm. “Stop that!”

Sehun was teasing him constantly but Chanyeol knew that the other one was genuinely happy for him. When he had received Chanyeol’s message three weeks ago, he had left multiple missed calls and excited messages on Chanyeol’s phone. _Oh my god, is that real?!_ Sehun had texted with multiple shocked emojis. _I’m still wondering that myself._ Chanyeol had answered with Baekhyun still sleeping in his arms. _How the fuck did you pull Byun Baekhyun, Chan?!_ Sehun had replied, which had made Chanyeol chuckle. Damn, if he knew. _With true love._ He had texted back, to which he received a couple of vomiting emojis from Sehun. But just like right know, Chanyeol had seen through the teasing and knew that his friend was cheering for him.

“Hey, I mean it.” Sehun said with a more serious tone now. “It’s gonna be great.”

An hour and fifteen minutes later, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were standing next to the entrance of the stage waiting for the host to announce them. Baekhyun skimmed through the lyrics in Chanyeol’s notepad one last time before reaching for Chanyeol’s hands.

He smiled up at him, the excitement in his eyes even more apparent than before. “Are you ready?”

Chanyeol smiled looking back at Baekhyun, taking in his beauty, his soft hair, sparkling eyes, and pink lips. He thought of what Sehun had said and suddenly he realised that it was true. With Baekhyun at his side, it really would be fine.

“You know.” He said. “I think I am.”

“Please welcome to the stage: Byun Baekhyun and Park Chanyeol.” The host of the university’s winter concert announced, stepping aside as the pair walked on stage, waving at the audience.

Even though Chanyeol hadn’t applied in time because he had been too scared to perform his music, too scared to be judged and humiliated, Baekhyun had convinced him to just join him in his slot. May also tricked him into doing so.

It had been a rainy afternoon and Chanyeol was preparing the brownie dough while Baekhyun lounged on one of the kitchen chairs sipping his tea when he suddenly said: “Remember that you still have to fulfil my wish?”

Chanyeol had smiled at the memory of the night they had spent together at the arcade. He had been so nervous and excited to spend the day with Baekhyun. Even now he still hadn’t been able to comprehend that spending days with Baekhyun was his reality now. “Of course. And what is it that you want?”

“You said you needed a singer for your songs.” Baekhyun had said with a cheeky grin and after a lot of reassurance and bribing kisses, Chanyeol had agreed to perform the song he had played Baekhyun. It had only been an instrumental even though Chanyeol had finished the lyrics a while ago.

Now on the stage of the winter concert where he had first fallen in love with Baekhyun, they would perform the love song, that Chanyeol had written about Baekhyun before he had known that his love would ever be requited.

As Chanyeol sat down on the stool in front of the grand piano he glanced over to where Baekhyun stood at the microphone. All his nervousness and worries were gone. He didn’t think of the audience as he pressed the keys, he didn’t even realise that they were there. Because all that mattered to him was Baekhyun singing the lyrics Chanyeol had written about him. He smiled widely, his heart almost exploding from all the happiness and love he felt.

It was only when they finished and the audience rose from their chairs, clapping loudly, that Chanyeol was brought back to reality, realising that he had just performed a self-composed song in front of thousands of his fellow students. And they liked it.

His eyes found Sehun and Kyungsoo smiling and clapping proudly. Then he looked over to Baekhyun who returned his gaze, a wide grin on his face as he held out his hand to Chanyeol.

Completely overwhelmed with emotions, Chanyeol rose from his chair to take Baekhyun’s hand. They bowed to the audience, thanking them. Then they walked off stage, past the next performer who looked just as nervous as Chanyeol had felt before.

They stopped when they arrived in the empty corridor beyond the backstage area. Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Chanyeol squeezing him in excitement.

“You were amazing!” He exclaimed.

“Thank you. So were you.” Chanyeol said embracing Baekhyun. His brain still hadn’t completely processed what had just happened. He had done it. He had finally performed his own music. And right now, he didn’t even care if anyone hadn’t liked it. Baekhyun liked the song he had written for him and that was all that mattered to Chanyeol.

“Thank you.” Baekhyun said, loosening his arms around Chanyeol to look him into the eyes. “And thank you for that beautiful song.” The he leaned in to kiss him. The kiss was long and deep and full of love. Soft lips moving against each other in a celebration of intimacy and pursuit of dreams.

Chanyeol’s heart was pounding with adrenaline from the performance and the passionate kiss. It made him feel much more courageous than usual, so he didn’t think twice anymore.

“Baekhyun?” He asked softly when their lips broke apart.

“Yes?” Baekhyun whispered against his lips.

“I love you.” Chanyeol said.

“I love you, too.” Baekhyun answered and pulled Chanyeol into another kiss.


End file.
